Wow - I've been asked to put together a wish list for my life. So many things instantly come to my mind - my health, the health and well-being of those I love, financial security, the desire to engage in my profession. I think of so many prayers that I have prayed to You. They have been heartfelt, earnest, even desperate, prayers asking for relief from the life I live with Chronic Migraines. There are even times when I have asked that You let my life here on earth just end so that I might be free of the pain, the fear and the loneliness. I know that You are a mighty God and are capable of performing great miracles. Yet, for some reason, You allow me to continue to deal with my Migraines daily. I have to be honest and tell You that my human nature often screams out the question "Why?" I feel like I could do so much more for You and others if I didn't have these Migraines and that my life would be so much richer.
Yet, when I really examine my heart, what I want most is to be conformed to Your character and to really grow in my knowledge and intimacy with You. This is a scary thing to say as I know that it means laying all my desires and hopes at Your feet and saying "not my will, by Your will be done." I don't even know why that is so frightening. You have, after all, shown Yourself to be faithful and loving and compassionate over and over again. I know that it is often the hard things in life which cause me to draw closest to You. If left to my own devices, I would rely on my own intellect and ability and would surely fall short, as well as miss the blessing of experiencing You as my Abba, my daddy.
Yes, Father, I desperately want to be free of Migraines. Yet, when I am forced to answer a question such as that laid before me in this challenge, I know that what I want more than anything is to be your faithful daughter. I want to be the daughter that turns to her Heavenly Father with same kind of certainty and trust that I turn to my earthly dad with. I want to praise You for where You have me in my life and, as difficult as it is, to thank You for what You are doing in my life through Migraines.
I certainly don't think that my Migraines are a part of some divine plan, but I do believe that You can and do use everything that occurs in my life for good. Please take this time and use it for good. Let me be a person who nestles into Your arms and waits expectantly for Your divine will. I pray that out of this time that I might know You more intimately, love you with all my heart and soul, and follow You more closely so that I might know and reflect Your character.
I pray that when people see me coping with Migraine disease that they will see a woman who has put her unwavering trust in her God. Help my words and my actions to not be empty, but to be full of purpose. I ask that when I am feeling at my worst and feel that there is little hope that I will find great delight in knowing You. Help me to remember the joy of knowing that I do not
have to cling to You because You cling to me!
My two greatest wishes are that through these experiences that I might come to know and love You more and that I will be a reflection of Your light and hope for the world. I pray that the way in which I handle my adversity will be a reflection of my love and trust in You.
As Keith Green sang,
"Make my life a prayer to You.
I want to do what You want me to.
No empty words and no white lies;
No token prayers; No compromise.
I want to shine the light
You gave through Your Son
who You sent to save me
from myself and my despair.
It comforts me to know you are really there.
I want to thank you now for being patient with me.
Oh it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me....
I want to die and let You give Your life to me,
so I might live and share the hope You gave to me,
the love that set me free.
I want to tell the world out there,
You're not some fable or fairy tale
that I've made up inside my head,
You're God the Son; You've risen from the dead!"
Thank you for the hope You've given me which is surely greater than any wish a genie might impart!
Your loving daughter,
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.