tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88801149628130341312024-02-18T21:06:28.272-06:00Grace For The StormFinding and Choosing Grace Amidst the Storms of Chronic Pain and MigrainesCynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-37265982027537505172014-07-21T02:35:00.002-05:002014-07-21T02:35:27.290-05:00The Things that Bind Us - Devotional #1<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">A couple of years ago, a friend and I were driving when a particularly bad lightening storm blew in. Before we knew it, lightening hit a tree about fifty feet in front of my car. The tree fell in front of the car taking down the pole with a power transformer on it approximately ten feet in front of the car. As it hit the ground, it exploded into a burst of flames, taking down the power lines and the pole behind our car. With shrieks of terror, we both wondered if the car itself was going to burst into flames. Thankfully, the flames were quickly extinguished by the rain. However, we were left in the car in the driving rain with the power lines literally wrapped around the car, wondering what might fall on us next or if another car would hit us. The lines were wrapped so tightly around the car that the rear view mirrors and side paint were removed. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">With our hearts racing, we immediately turned off the car, called 911 and began to pray for God's protection and peace. After praying, we each called our fathers not knowing if we would have the chance to talk with them again. Within a matter of fifteen minutes, the fire department arrived but could not come near the car because the power lines were live. How we chafed against those power lines that were holding us in the car keeping us from what we thought were rescue and safety. We kept trying to think of ways to get out of the car. Climbing out of the sunroof once it stopped raining was actually one of our harebrained thoughts as we sat in the car watching the firemen chatting as they waited for the power company to arrive. We kept thinking "if only those wires hadn't pinned us into the car, we would be free!" </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">After several hours of sitting in the car, the local power company finally arrived and confirmed that they had deactivated the power lines. Upon getting out of the car, we told the firemen and the power company officials how frustrated we had been by being bound into the car by the wires and how afraid we had been that the wires were going to electrocute the car. Their collective response was immediate. If we had gotten out of the car before the power company had killed those wires that were lying on the ground around our cars, we would have almost certainly been killed. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">My friend and I have reflected many times since this on what a powerful analogy for life it was. How many times in life, do we feel that something is holding us back - preventing us from being free or meeting our goals? We rage and complain; we arm wrestle with God. We worry and stress over things about which we can do nothing. Yet, is it possible during those times when we feel hemmed in by life's circumstances that God is actually working a blessing in our lives? Certainly in our situation with the car and the wires, this was true. But it has also made me stop and wonder if I shouldn't be thanking God for what He might be doing in my life to save or benefit me in other situations when I feel trapped. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">One area in my life were I frequently feel the most trapped is by my Migraines. However, when I look back over the past seven years of Chronic Migraines, I can see that because of my bonds I have found blessings that I might not have found any other way. I am learning to thank God in all circumstances. I am learning to become a more patient individual. I am learning that my value isn't in what I am able to do. I have met wonderful, dear friends in the Migraine community who I may have never met any other way. I have learned about other health issues which needed to be taken care of because my Migraines forced me to slow down and go to the doctor. I have learned to be thankful for normal days without pain even if they aren't filled with great fun and adventure. I have seen God meet my financial needs in powerful ways. I have had friends and family show me what real love is as they have ministered and taken care of me when I couldn't do that for myself. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">God is always faithful. He always uses the bonds in our life for His glory and our good. May I become one who thanks God in every situation rather than always complaining and questioning. I may not see the benefit of the situation immediately, but if I keep my heart open and pliable, I know that God will reveal the blessing in the storm to me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Growing in His Grace,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Cyndi</span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-82141101314934574452014-07-21T01:59:00.003-05:002014-07-21T01:59:58.029-05:00An Apology<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I just realized that I had over 20 comments awaiting moderation - some which were more than a year old! Please forgive me failure to see these and to respond to them. If you want to get in touch with me, please email me at cyndi@migrainestrength.com. I saw that some of you had questions, and I'd be glad to answer them. Thanks for the comments and the patience!! I'd love to attribute it solely to my Migraine brain, but it also has to do with my slowly growing knowledge of technology! </span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-109290366536869822014-07-18T20:46:00.000-05:002014-07-18T20:46:15.897-05:00AHMA 2014 Conference and Blog Plans<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">It's hard for me to believe that I haven't written anything on this blog since 2013! It certainly isn't because I have lost the zeal for Migraine advocacy. There are, however, new plans in the works. Within the next few weeks, I hope to roll out my new web page - Migrainestrength.com. This blog will become a spiritual encouragement and devotional blog for those who deal with Migraine, other Headache Disorders, and chronic pain. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">In the meantime, I have had a number of amazing opportunities. The first one was to attend the Second Annual American Headache and Migraine Association (AHMA) conference in Los Angeles. I cannot begin to tell you what an honor it was to spend time with so many of my virtual headache buddies in real life and how much encouragement I received just by being a part of them. I also had the opportunity to listen to world class experts in the area of Headache and Migraine management speak about their hopes and dreams for the treatment of Headache and Migraine disorders during the conference, as well as about new treatments and research in these areas. I particularly found Dr. Andy Charles' talk about Cortical Spreading Depression and Migraines fascinating! Trust me, you don't want to miss out on our third conference in Washington D.C. next year! It's going to be even bigger and better!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">On a personal note, I particularly enjoyed reuniting with one of my best buds from junior and senior high (Marie Sandusky) when she attended the conference to look for ways to help her adolescent son who suffers from Migraines. Neither of us looked (or acted) a day older! :) In addition, I had the fun of rooming with two of my Migraine Heroes - the reigning queens of Migraine Advocacy - Teri Robert and Ellen Schnakenberg. Like the kid who puts their textbook under a pillow trying to learn by osmosis, I just tried to absorb some of their collective wisdom by being that close to them for a week!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I was able to go to Los Angeles to work the AHMA booth during the American Headache Society (AHS) meeting and was gratified to meet so many doctors and health professions who are so committed to and passionate about finding better treatment for their Headache and Migraine Patients! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">By the way, if you aren't a member of AHMA, what are you waiting for?? You can join by going </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><a href="http://ahma.ws/">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">. If you want a list of all the really good reasons to join, just shoot me a note!! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I also had a few hours to take in Hollywood and Disneyland - both a challenge and a delight for me as a chronic Migraine sufferer!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Many thanks to all my Migraine and Headache Disorder buddies for their friendship and for how much I learn from you about how to live a graceful life in the midst of the storms of Migraines! Many thanks to the AHMA board for granting me a scholarship so I could be a part of this year's conference and for allowing me to help out our booth! Many thanks to all the amazing medical professionals who take the time to be a part of building AHMA and supporting patients! As I've said before, but will say again, never forget that as Migrainers - we don't have to be survivors; we are thrivers!! Carpe Diem (no matter how short of a day pain may allow it to be!)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You have shared with me your desire to be free of pain, depression, loneliness and anxiety. I know that the release of death beckons you - that you believe it is the only way to find any kind of relief. I hear in your words the desperation and hopelessness that you feel - I know that you are overwhelmed. I know that you don't believe that there is any hope for a different or better life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I pray and pray that God would give me the right words when I speak with you. I share with you my own struggle with wanting to die and how I came through that to a life of hope that I never imagined. I talk like a cheerleader on steroids trying to convince you that it's going to be okay; that it just takes time; that you can do it! Yet I know that those words are hollow to you right now because all you can see is the darkness. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I become like a manic minister, citing every promise and verse of comfort that I can, but I know to you that they are just words. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I try to reason with you, reminding you of how important you are to your loved ones and to me. I try to get you to see the difference you have made in the world and can continue to make. But again, I know you don't believe these words because you believe that you are a burden and have nothing to offer and all you can see is the depth and darkness of your pain.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">At times, you intellectualize suicide with the conclusion that it would be better for you and better for others if you weren't here - that it would be quicker and more merciful. I wish you could see that for the false thinking that it is. Do you really think we would get over you that quickly? Do you really think that our lives would just go on as if you never existed? I know you fantasize about heaven and the permanent relief from pain. I'm not going to tell you that you are selfish, but I do want to ask "what about me?" "What about the others who love you?" "What about our pain?" You do know, don't you, that we won't hurt just over your death, but over the fact that we will have to find a way to live without you. There will be a void that nothing and no one can replace. You aren't forgettable.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I know you need to see and feel hope, and I would give anything if I could do that for you. I won't give up trying to do that either because the truth is that I care for you deeply. As I speak and write to you, I fight back tears. I cry because of my fear that I will lose you, my friend. I cry because I am so powerless over this darkness that you are living in and my words seem so hollow. I cry because I feel your pain deep within my soul. I also cry because you just seem to have lost all fight. I need to see you care about yourself!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I've never even met you in person, but you have made a difference in my life. My life would be emptier and less meaningful without you. I wish I could come to you and sit with you in the darkness. I wish I could come to you and keep you safe, but I know I can't. The reality is that there is really only one person who matters in this and that is you! You have to be willing to fight; you have to be willing to believe in hope. You have to be willing to search for meaning in your life. You have to be willing to turn off the fantasies of death and plant your feet firmly in this life. As much as I want to, I cannot do it for you. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I wish you knew how many people there are in your life who wish they could do this for you. I know you can't feel it through the fog, but you are surrounded by love. You <i>need</i> to know that we don't love you in spite of who you are and how you feel, but because of who you are. You really do make a difference in our lives.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, basically, this letter is my plea to you to keep on going. Please do whatever it takes to cross through this valley of darkness into fields of hope. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you....can you please feel the same about yourself? Whatever it takes....medication, counseling, a safety contract, a safe place, calling a crisis line, meeting with a pastor, calling a friend to be with you, entering a therapeutic program either as an in or out-patient, asking for resources that you don't have. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I <i>KNOW </i>it's hard work, and I know you are tired, but please don't give up. I go to bed at night praying you won't give up; I wake up in the morning praying that you won't give up. There is an army of people who don't even know your name(s) that are praying for you right now. Please, please, don't give up. You are important to me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-82365250069302229872013-06-23T23:42:00.002-05:002013-06-23T23:42:36.526-05:00MHAM #23: How Faith Helps Me Cope<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Today's blog challenge asks "how does spirituality or religion help you cope?" </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I honestly can't even imagine coping without my faith. I know that there are many of you out there who don't share my faith in Jesus Christ and who have been hurt, judged or let down by Christians. I also know that there are others of you who don't feel you measure up because you have encountered a legalistic Christianity. So before I go any further, let me begin by saying that I hold each of you, regardless of your personal faith, in high esteem. I believe God has called me to love you and not to judge you. After all, most of use are just trying our best to manage what life has for us!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My faith is not a religion or a denomination, but a relationship that I have with a gracious and loving God. I believe, in accordance with what Scripture says, that God loves us with an unconditional love and that the church wasn't created for the saint, but for the sinner. I don't write this as a holier than thou, judgmental, stone-casting person. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I know who I am. As Brennan Manning would say, I am a ragamuffin. I am not the reflection of Christ that I would like to be, for I am frequently impatient, strong willed, jealous, despairing, selfish, unloving, insecure and judgmental. My God is none of those things! So I hope that as you read this, you won't judge Him by what you see in me but in what I want to become as I seek to take on His character.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Being sick and homebound is lonely, but I know that my God is always with me. When everyone else turns away or is preoccupied, He is always there. I can cry out to Him and share my fears, my pain, my anger, and my longings without any fear of retribution. He says in His word that He cherishes me like a bridegroom does a bride. The thought of that is really too awesome to fully take in, but it makes me feel loved, treasured, protected and never alone. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Being in pain can easily lead me into feeling hopeless and anxious. I look and look for some reason to hope based on current medical treatments, and right now there just aren't any. But my heavenly Father offers me constant reasons for hope. His word is full of promises that I know He won't break. He promises to give me hope and a future; He promises to always be with me; He promises me that I can do all things through Him. He promises to be my shield and my protector. He says He will deliver me and honor me. He says that He will be with me in trouble. He says that He began a good work in me and will carry it to completion.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So I dwell on His promises. I practice the encouragement of Philippians 4:8 that says "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think on these things." By no means, do I do this perfectly or even close to perfectly. However, one thing that I am convinced of is that if I put my mind on His promises and those things which are excellent and praiseworthy that it changes me. (It affects me the same way that dwelling on pain, loneliness and lost dreams does. How I think perpetuates itself; it becomes a vicious cycle. It takes root and grows its own kind.) Thinking about God's love and His promises change how I feel about this path I am currently on. It chases away the darkness of fear and anxiety. It chases away hopelessness and loneliness. It even chases away my feelings of inadequacy and anger. Remarkably, His love even accompanies me into the dark places of fear, anxiety, hopelessness, loneliness, inadequacy and anger! He is not repulsed, disapproving and turned off by my humanity.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have hope because I believe in the mercy and grace of Christ. It's as simple as that. I cope because the great Hope of the World accompanies me on my journey. I cope through prayer, through spiritual songs, through reading Scripture, and through the fellowship and encouragement of other believers. I cope and I hope because I see Him at work in this world. I see Him in every kindness, every smile, every laugh, every one of my precious friends and family members, every flower, every sunrise, every rainbow. And because of that, life (just like it is) is truly worth living.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">FightingHeadacheDisorders.com</a>.</span></span><br />
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-91280494524500013632013-06-22T15:41:00.000-05:002013-06-22T15:41:09.211-05:00I Will Be Here For You<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My dear friends....</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I wrote about my superhero in my last blog, but now I want to write to all of you who are also my heroes. My heroes who live with pain day in and day out. My heroes who face depression, anxiety, loneliness, financial hardship, chronic illnesses, family strife, loss. My heroes who just keep putting one foot in front of the other. My heroes who keep looking for hope and keep hanging on to the belief in hope. My heroes who shine a light for others in the darkness. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I know some of you see yourselves as weak....as weary....as hanging on by a thread, but you inspire me! Your strength, your perseverance, your character - they amaze me. When you have shared your deepest struggle, your most violent storm, or your darkest night, it is when I see your heroism shining the brightest!! Dictionary.com says that a hero is a person of distinguished courage, admired for his/her brave deeds and noble qualities. Yep, that's you!!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So when life is at it's hardest, I want you to remember that I am here for you - my heroes.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">These are the words I want to say to you during those dark nights of the soul and body:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2iVCply99s">Listen to "I Will Be Here for You."</a></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-66010143724512417582013-06-14T11:02:00.002-05:002013-06-14T18:17:21.436-05:00Migraine Awareness Month #2 and #14: Thank You for Being a Friend<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I have not been able to participate in this month's blog challenge every day as I had hoped to, there are two challenges that I just have to address. The first one prompts "Migraine Superheroes: Who in your life goes above and beyond?" and the 14th which prompts "Letters to Julia: Write a letter to someone who has helped you." These are ones that I can't just let slip by me.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have the most amazing group of friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for them. I don't think there is any way that they will ever know just how much they mean to me! They have made sure that someone is with me when I don't feel well enough to be alone. They made sure that I had the funds I needed to take the trip to Jefferson to go into the hospital; and they made sure that I had a card to open every day of two different hospitalizations. They run countless errands for me! Some have taken off of work to drive me the six hours to Springfield to see my doctor. They gave me gift cards to restaurants for my birthday so that I could afford to go out to eat with them. They are willing to come (perfume free) to my house and sit in the dark and watch a movie with me. They send me cards and texts just to check in with me or give me a boost. They have literally picked me up when I have fallen down. These friends epitomize Proverbs 17:17 which says "A friend loves at all times, and a brother/sister is born for adversity." These people fill me with hope. They make my life worthwhile. They make me laugh and let me cry. They are my dearest gifts from the Lord and help me to see Him more clearly! I can only hope and pray that I can some day let them each know how dear and important they are to me. What they probably don't know is that they have two special ringtones on my phone. They are "You've Got a Friend." <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4mNDS5rIRU">Listen to it here.</a> (Isn't it sad about James Taylor and Carly Simon? - a little inside joke!) The other one is "Thank You for Being a Friend." <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jzrq52qaXZI">Listen to it here.</a> (Yes, many of us are becoming "golden" friends or should I say a distinguished salt and pepper friend?) When I say to you "Thank You for Being a Friend," I mean it from the bottom of my heart!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I also have a number of superheroes, but one particular person stands out as Wonder Woman, Super Girl and definitely Cat Woman combined!! My friend Kris is one of the most giving people I have ever known. What would I do without you, Kris? At great personal expense, she stayed at my home with me for several months when I first became chronic to help me with the many transitions I went through then. She has gone to countless doctor appointments with me - even flying with me to Philadelphia although she is scared to death of flying. Sometimes, I think she knows my medical history and my medications better than I do! She has sat with me in the dark more times than I can count and has let me cry on her shoulder even more times than that! She probably doesn't know that I know how frequently she emails my friends and family to make them aware of a need that I have. She is the first one to organize help when I need something. She has taken countless days off of work to take me to doctor appointments and to Springfield. She has left work many times to rush to my rescue. She alone can tell by just one look how I'm really feeling - she always sees behind the mask. She is my chief "spoon" monitor and urges (nags) me to self-regulate what I do during those times when I'm feeling a bit better. She puts up with my irritability, my fears, my questions, my tears and my silliness with grace. With Kris, a simple phone call or text is all that is needed for physical, emotional or spiritual support. I honestly think that half of the time she reads my mind (a very scary thought and not for the weak of heart!) Proverbs 18:24 says "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruins, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother." Or in this case a sister! Kris, thank you for being that friend who always sticks closer than a sister!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">I am so grateful for my circle of friends!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">Listen to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xj4oukh8hY">Circle of Friends</a>.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">This one is for each of you!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">Thank you for being my circle of friends!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;">June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com/" style="text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">FightingHeadacheDisorders.com</a>.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-82873833062641581852013-06-09T19:29:00.000-05:002013-06-09T19:29:07.985-05:00Hanging on to Hope <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">June is Migraine Awareness Month. (I ask that if you read nothing else in this blog, that you read that which is written in red and maybe that will convince you to read further.) During this month, many advocates try to raise awareness about Migraines through posting facts about Migraines on our Facebook pages, wearing purple, writing blogs and a number of other activities. We want for you to be aware of the facts. Facts like</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;"><i>37 Million</i> </b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><i>Americans live with Migraines.</i></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;"> Of these, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large; font-style: italic;"><b>14 Million</b> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">live </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><i>with chronic <b>daily</b> pain.</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"> But there are only </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;">418 </b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">board certified headache </span></span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"> specialists.</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> Migraine leads to more lost years of healthy life</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> than do tuberculosis, Multiple Sclerosis, epilepsy</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;"> and ovarian cancer </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><b style="font-size: xx-large; font-style: italic;">Combined</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><i>There is no cure for Migraines.</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="color: purple;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">To those of you without Migraines</span></b><b style="color: purple;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">, these are just mere facts</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">. </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><b>However, Migraine Awareness Month took on a whole new reality for those of us in the Migraine community when a beautiful young woman took her life Thursday as a result of the pain, desperation and hopelessness that she felt due to her Migraines. </b></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"> Many of us have spent the weekend crying over this - even those who never knew her. This is not an isolated incident....I have personally known several other people who have attempted to take their lives over the past year because of their Migraines. A couple came close and ended up in the ICU.</span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">These people were not weak people; they were not emotionally unstable; they were not lacking in strength; they were not lacking in faith or in the desire to live a good life. These people have friends who care deeply about them. They have all visited multiple doctors trying to find an answer to their pain and other symptoms. They all sought counseling prior to their attempt. Each one of these people was just like you and me. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>However</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">, unless you also live with chronic pain that feels like an anvil is being driven into your head, experience constant nausea and vomiting, have light, sound and odor sensitivity (among other symptoms), have lost your job, have lost the ability to drive and have gone from doctor to doctor desperately seeking an answer, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;">You Really Have No Idea What It's Like. </b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you did, you would understand what leads a person to feeling hopeless and overwhelmed to the degree that they would actually consider ending their life.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;">To those of you with Migraines</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">, I understand....I have been there. I live this with you every day. But the one thing we cannot afford to lose is </span><b style="font-size: xx-large;">Hope</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">. None of us knows what tomorrow holds - what new treatment might be right around the bend. We have to fight this beast </span><b style="font-size: xx-large;">Together</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">. I believe that the greatest thing we can do for one another is to hold out hope - real hope. It's true that we might not know how to make our Migraines disappear or lessen, but there are some other beautiful things that we do know. We know that in the midst of pain, we have come to know <i>incredible</i> people who suffer in similar ways who we would have never met had it not been for our Migraines. These people and others have held on to hope for us when we couldn't do it ourselves. We know that these people constantly amaze us by sharing their strength, their encouragement and their </span><i style="font-size: x-large;">successes</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">. When we share our positive stories (even if they are baby steps), we strengthen one another. Similarly, we bear one another's burdens. We choose together to focus on that which is possible and positive - that which <i>builds</i> hope. Conversely, when we focus on our sorrow, our pain, our loneliness and our hopelessness, it </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;">is </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Contagious</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> This doesn't mean we can't share things, but we need to be careful about where our focus and emphasis lies. It has to be on </span><b style="font-size: xx-large;">Hope</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">What other things can be said that we know to be true and positive about our lives even with Migraines?</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Laughter prevails; friendships endure; servant hearts come to meet our needs; beautiful flowers grow; lovely music which enriches our souls is written; babies' smiles make us smile; furry friends comfort and amuse us; caring doctors are found; the hugs from a family member or friend warm our hearts; time is spent with ones we love that we can never get back again; the promises of faith endure forever.</span></i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;">Dear Migraine friend</b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">, you are <i>not</i> simply taking up space. You are not a burden. You are not worthless just because you cannot work or cannot contribute to life and others as you would like. You are a beautiful and important person - to me and others. You make a difference in someone's life. You are the source of another person's smiles, warm heart and laughter. Without <b><i>you</i></b>, someone's sun <i>is</i> eclipsed. You may not share my personal faith in God, but I believe from the bottom of my heart that each and every one of you was created for a purpose and that you are cherished and celebrated. Even when you don't feel that way, it doesn't change the truth. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;"><i>Hold on to truth....hang on to hope.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b><i> </i> </b></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Hope is <i style="font-weight: bold;">not </i>always a feeling. Many times, it is a decision and choice to look for the good and the possible, to open our eyes to the many things that bless and enrich our lives. It is also a decision and a choice to say that </span><i style="font-size: xx-large; font-weight: bold;">we are worthwhile</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">. We are not defined by our illness, but by who we are and can become as human beings. Strip away our health, our financial standing, our independence and even some of our relationships (all of which are frequently lost in this war with Migraines) and believe the truth. Regardless of what we do or what we have, we are valuable; we belong; we make a difference.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I urge you to not be ashamed of the depression or sense of futility that you may sometimes feel. I urge you to choose to get help rather than to dwell on desperation. There <i>are </i>good doctors out there. There are caring therapists. There are caring friends. You are not alone. You can do this....we can do it together. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you have Migraines and feel alone, </span><i style="font-size: x-large;">please</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> consider joining the American Headache and Migraine Association - </span><a href="http://ahma.memberclicks.net/" style="font-size: x-large;">Find it here</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> -, look for support groups on Facebook, Migraine.com, Helpforheadaches.com or contact me, and I'll help you make connections.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you are a Migraineur who has lost hope, I beg you to call a therapist, to call 1-800-SUICIDE or to go to <a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">this link</a> for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b style="font-size: xx-large;">Migraine Awareness Month is not just about facts. As the events of this past week have driven home to all of us, it is about real people searching for real hope. </b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">If you are not a Migraineur and you want to know how to help someone you love, check out <a href="http://www.helpforheadaches.com/lwfiles/lettters.htm">these letters</a> by Teri Robert. Other great sources to check out are <a href="http://somebodyhealme.dianalee.net/2013/02/top-snarky-migraine-related-thoughts.html">this blog</a> by Diana Lee or <a href="http://migraine.com/blog/the-migraine-dirty-dozen-things-not-to-say-to-a-chronic-migraineur/">this blog</a> by Ellen Schnakenberg. You might also want to consider making a contribution in your loved one's honor to AHMA (<a href="http://ahma.memberclicks.net/">link</a>) or the American Headache Society (<a href="http://www.americanheadachesociety.org/">link</a>) so that further research and treatments can be developed. If you want to know more facts about Migraines and headache disorders, <a href="http://migraine.com/blog/10-things-i-want-to-share-about-migraines/">go here</a>. If you want to know more about advocacy efforts, please check out the Alliance for Headache Disorders Advocacy (<a href="http://www.allianceforheadacheadvocacy.org/">link</a>).</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;">June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com/" style="color: blue; text-decoration: underline;" target="_blank">FightingHeadacheDisorders.com</a>.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> </span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-43586485571670183952013-03-27T17:50:00.000-05:002013-03-27T17:50:18.850-05:00I Need Your Help!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Did you know that we now have an official patient organization for people with Migraines and other headache disorders? It was formed under the auspices of the American Headache Society, and it's mission can be found in the simple acronym EASE. The purpose of this group is to <u>E</u>ducate, to <u>I</u>ncrease awareness about Migraines and other headache disorders, <u>S</u>upport those who suffer with headache disorders and their families, and <u>E</u>ngage patients so that we can work together to make a difference!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This is not just for individuals who are disabled by headache disorders but for <i>anyone</i> who wants to see progress being made in the areas of Migraine and other headache disorder treatment, education, research, perception, awareness and funding. In the U.S. alone, 37 million people suffer from Migraines (and that's not even including all the other headache disorders such as Cluster Headaches, aka, the suicide headache). 5 million people in the US have at least one Migraine a month. That's 12 days a year when they are burdened with, if not incapacitated, by the pain and symptoms of a Migraine. Most Americans can expect to live more than 75 years. If a person were to suffer a migraine a month for even fifty years, it would mean the loss of 600 days of their lives - that's almost two years!! Staggering, isn't it? But I believe, along with others, that this can change through the very things for which AHMA stands - education, advocacy, support and engagement.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Some of you may ask, "why should I join an organization like this?" My friend, Teri Robert, the current chair of AHMA, explains that in addition to raising awareness and increasing research that AHMA will also provide the newest information regarding Migraine and headache research and treatment, will hold webinars to educate both patients and doctors, will start support groups, will have an advocate mentoring program and an annual patient conference. There is also a forum where all members (patients, caregivers and doctors) can confidentially and honestly share with one another. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">And the cherry on the top? The AHMA board is comprised of five patients <u><i>and</i> </u>five of the top Migraine and headache specialists in the United States!! That's right - real dialogue and interaction between our doctors and the patients! Conceptually, the patient board members will direct the organization, and the physicians will provide assistance. The patient conferences will have top notch Migraine and headache specialists presenting, in addition to all the other goodies already being planned for the first conference on November 24, 2013 in Scottsdale, Arizona.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, why should you join?? Because for only $15 a year, you can be a part of making a real and tangible difference in your own life and in the lives of the millions of people who suffer with these disorders. As an organized and formal vehicle, we <i>can</i> work together to improve research funding so that through new knowledge can lead to new and innovative treatments, and in doing so might ensure that you or your children or grandchildren might not suffer as much in the years to come! As an organized and formal group, we can raise public awareness that Migraines and other headache disorders are not "just" a headache! Let's help change the statistics! Let's help ourselves and those we love who suffer from headache disorders find both support and hope for the future! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I've had friends who have asked why they should join if they already interact with others who suffer with headache disorders, feel like they know everything they need to know, follow an expert blog on Migraines or if they don't really feel the need to interact with other sufferers. The reason is because there is strength in numbers! When we work together, we CAN make a difference. I am currently disabled by my Migraines and unable to work the job I adore because of them. One of my great hopes is that through a group like AHMA, my nieces and nephews will never have to experience what I have over the past forty plus years.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Please take the time to go to <a href="http://ahma.memberclicks.net/">the AHMA website</a> and join today!</span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-5215099443012223772013-03-15T18:43:00.001-05:002013-03-15T18:43:45.750-05:00Identity Crisis<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Although I have had Migraines since childhood, it was not until about four years ago that they became chronic and intractable causing me to have to leave the career that I loved behind. As I began this journey, I purposefully set out to walk through this on my own terms. The chief among these was not to live with a victim mentality. While I had no choice about the severity of my Migraines, I realized that I did have a choice about my attitude and my behaviors. </span><div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I am open with people about the severity and chronicity of my Migraines, I want to somehow live "above" them. I know inside that my attitude and behaviors will determine my psychological well-being as I walk this journey. To that end, I strive to be as upbeat as possible, to refrain from complaining about and cataloging my pain, and to have an attitude which focuses on hope. This frequently means that I present a face to the world which may not show the severity of my pain and disability. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">However, over the last few weeks, I have had a bit of an identity crisis where a number of people have mentioned to me or to others that my Migraines were not as severe as x person's. Now, I'm not one to get into a "who has the most pain" match with anyone. In fact, I deliberately try to act and speak as if I am not in pain - not because I don't want anyone to know but because it is what I have to do for my own psychological well-being. The simple fact is that if I focus on my pain and give into my desire to moan, cry, curse and despair, I have but a very bleak life to behold. I don't think I would be able to endure such a life. However, when I "act as if" I am feeling better than I am, it helps me to get through the moment. This has led to some people questioning the severity of my pain and to others questioning my authenticity. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">There is a part of me that wonders if I lived and acted how I really feel if others would take me more seriously and put more effort towards helping and understanding my illness. I have to admit to wondering if I've shot myself in the foot because of this. Would others (including doctors) help me more if I wore my "sick face" and retreated to bed in tears? Has my choice of attitude presented an oxymoron to others that tells them something different than what I truly experience?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This is something which now lies heavily on my heart. But it is also something which honestly makes me a big frustrated. Yes, when I had episodic Migraines, it was natural to moan and groan and go to bed due to the pain. But now that pain is a daily, 24/7 experience, maybe I've become accustomed to it - maybe I've developed some coping strategies which help me to give quality to my life. These include hiding my Migraines when I can because I don't want a life that is defined by Migraines. I don't want to be a walking billboard for all the effects of Migraines. It also includes me smiling even when I'm hurting; it means that I try to look for the good and for things for which I can be grateful. It means that I try to participate in life to the degree possible and that I save my suffering for private moments as much as possible. I have also found that in reaching out to others to encourage and support them that I take the focus off of me which, at least, psychologically lowers my perception of pain. Does this mean that my pain is any less real or severe? Not a chance!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I'm not suggesting that I am doing it the "correct" way - how could anyone know that? I'm just saying that I'm doing what works for me a large amount of the time. Are there days when I can't function at all? Are there times when I weep because of the pain? Are there times when I dread the future because I can't see a life without pain? Yes, but I can't live focused on that. If that makes doctors, friends, and family second guess the severity and frequency of my pain, I guess that's the cost I have to pay for I know that if I give in to this</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">on a regular basis that I will also be inviting despair, depression, suicidal ideation, and anxiety into my life. And I choose not to do that. It does not make me a "strong" person nor does it make me a malingerer or exaggerator - it simply makes me a person who is desperate to do whatever it takes to manage and to preserve some quality of life. The bottom line is the question as to whether I will let Migraines dominate me or if I will find a way to live at peace with them. Do I want a cure? Yes! Do I wish things were different? Yes! Am I going to let Migraines define my attitude toward life? Absolutely not!!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But I would ask that before you judge me that you take the time to ask about my experience. I am willing to share that - I'm just not willing to live it out loud. </span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-8579997333390946562013-01-13T20:01:00.003-06:002013-01-13T20:01:57.278-06:00New Year, New Strategies<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b>New Year, New Chances for Migraine Treatment Strategies </b>is the topic of this month's Migraine and Headache Blog Carnival hosted by the Headache Disorder Blog Network (<a href="http://headachedisorderblognetwork.com/">Go to Blog Network</a>). This is a difficult topic for me to address as I have been dealing with Migraines for 45 years and with Chronic Migraines for at least five of those years. In this time, I have tried well over 90 medications and tried physical therapy, accupuncture, chiropractic care, nerve blocks, biofeedback, massage, hypnosis, and many other things. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have to laugh inside when someone without Chronic Migraines asks me if I've tried "x" new treatment. I can laugh rather than scream because I know most of them are well-intentioned in their questions; however, I have made the search for successful Migraine treatment into both an art and a science. If there is an article out there about Migraines, I'd be surprised if I haven't seen it. If there is a treatment that has any plausibility behind it, I doubt I haven't tried it (unless it's medically contraindicated or unavailable). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, the question is what chance do I really have for new treatment strategies in 2013? I think, for me, this has more to do with mindset than with the actual treatment. I cannot give up hope that my doctor and/or I will find something that will help better manage my Migraines. My focus has to be on progress rather than on a cure. Unfortunately, too many people without Migraines think that there is some "cause" for my Migraines that can be identified and treated so that I can be cured. It's just not that easy. Migraines are a complex neurological disease. It's hard, if not impossible, to identify what caused my Migraines or made them become chronic. Additionally, there is no cure for Migraines at this time. The goal for treatment is to manage Migraines and to reduce the number and severity of them- not cure them.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, what needs to change in 2013? Aside from the development of new drugs and treatments, as well as research into the etiology of Migraines, I need to be willing to persevere in doing those things which I have found to help my Migraines. Those things include getting proper rest, eating right, engaging in some physical activity, utilizing biofeedback and mindfulness, tracking my Migraines with a Migraine diary, and open communication with my doctor. I also need to focus on consistency in doing each of these things. Like many New Year's resolutions, it is easy to say that you are going to do these things but to get stopped by circumstances - including not feeling well. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My mindset has to stay focused on positivity, hope and education. If I lack perseverance in any of these areas, I doubt I will be successful in gaining any new insights regarding treatment for my Migraines. Positivity, hope and education are positive and proactive ways to address my Migraine treatment. They are each choices. While some may view positivity and hope as feelings, I believe that they are choices about how I choose to view things. I have to consciously choose to be positive and to focus on hope. I have to choose to educate myself and to interact with my doctor as a partner in my treatment and not as a recipient of care. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, will there be new strategies in this New Year? Absolutely, but even more so, I think my focus of this year will be on refining what I know works and employing it on a more consistent basis. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Oh, and if anyone has a solution for barking dogs, I believe that will also help my Migraines a lot! :)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-43504935813025857122013-01-12T22:29:00.003-06:002013-01-12T22:33:53.089-06:00The Power of Pets!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Therapeutic Animals</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I wrote a post last year about the power of pets as therapeutic allies in the healing process. I continue to be amazed by the bond between people and their pets. My own dogs, Marlie and Milo, have instincts about my mood that exceed that of most mental health therapists! I adopted Milo about a year ago to the disbelief of my family. They wondered how I could possibly handle another dog while living with chronic Migraines and pain. I can say without reservation that Milo has been one of the best additions to my treatment plan from 2012. Milo is my snuggly dog. He should have been named Velcro because disengaging him from me is nearly impossible. He is also my dog that loves to play. Milo will throw his toys up in the air and then go and get them - he seems to be in a state of perpetual joy. This joy can't help but permeate my mood. Milo makes me laugh. I have found that laughter truly is good for the soul, and what's good for the soul can't help but be good for the body. Marlie is my sweet, gentle soul. When she lies next to me and looks at me with her beautiful brown eyes, I am at peace and relaxed. She seems to read my mind and to know instantaneously how I am feeling. Marlie makes it clear that I am the one person in the world who she loves and needs the most. With her, I know I am always loved. I wouldn't give up my two precious fur babies for anything in the world.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Multiple empirical studies have been conducted with patients with medical conditions and chronic pain that show the value of being with a pet. Dawn Marcus, MD, conducted research in a pain clinic where patients were allowed to visit with a therapy dog prior to meeting with the physician. She found that patients who "met" with a dog prior to their appointment had a 40% reduction in depression and anxiety and a 20% reduction in fatigue. She also found a 23% drop reduction in pain. To read more about Dr. Marcus' study, go to this <a href="http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758556">link.</a></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Below are the links to two beautiful YouTube videos which illustrate the power of pets.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Cat Calms a Crying Baby <a href="http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/758556">Go Here.</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dog Plays with A Child with Down Syndrome <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA8VJh0UJtg">Go Here.</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dog Causes Child to Laugh <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2Lw695yRxU">Go Here.</a></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-35942865011374687902013-01-02T01:24:00.000-06:002013-01-02T01:24:44.164-06:00Dear 2012<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dear 2012,</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I have been trying to think of the Scripture that best sums up this year. While I am tempted to use John 11:35 ("Jesus Wept") because of how frequently I wept over Migraines, struggles, loss and the other difficult realities of life, I am convinced that the better verse to sum up my year is found in Romans 5: <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">1-4 (The Message)</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-1-Rom-5-2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> "</span>We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.</span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021"> We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021">Yes, while at first glance, 2012 appears to be one that was filled up with pain, I can confidently say that when I look at my year in total that it is filled with hope and joy. Any pain that I experienced during this year, God Himself has been able to use to produce growth in me. As the NIV says, "suffering produce(d) perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And Hope never puts us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021">Where you would have like to have seen me write that suffering produced pain, and pain produced anxiety; and anxiety, despair, instead I can confidently say that I am grateful for each experience which has been allowed me during 2012. It is those experiences and my ability to come through them which have taught me that there is always hope and that even the hardest things that occur in my life can bring great good.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5" id="en-MSG-12021">Yes, I had unmanageable Migraines, but because of them, I have made some life long friends who I would have never met otherwise. Because of them, I have a doctor who I trust and value. Because of them, I have had to travel to see that doctor and have, as a result, gotten to know my dear first cousin and his family. Because of the trials of this year, I have had the good fortune of learning that joy is something that is not dependent on my circumstances but upon my relationship with God Himself. Because of my Migraines, I have had time to listen to beautiful music, read good books, consider the wonder of friendship, to bathe in the blessing of family, and to try to serve others who are suffering. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5">Because of the trials of this year, I have re-realized the unimaginable treasure of people I love and the time I get to spend with them. Because of this year, I know that every day is a gift. Because of this year, I can face 2013 without fear because I have seen the proof of the good that can come out of difficulty and pain.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5">So, 2012, thank you. Thank you for each day and each experience. Thank you for bringing me to 2013 where I expect to continue to fill up that container mentioned in Romans 5 with even more blessings, more hope, more victory and more certainty that God does have a good plan for me. Will there be pain in 2013? Yes, it's inevitable, and I don't look forward to it. I cannot minimize the severity of some of the physical and emotional pain that I am bound to experience this year any more than I can minimize that of the past year. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5">However, I survived. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5">And I will continue to survive,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5"> and survival will be laced with gratitude and hope </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5">for I know that even in the most difficult circumstances,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="text Rom-5-3-Rom-5-5"> good can and will grow. I stand in alert expectancy - seeking what God has to reveal to me during this year. And for that, I will give all glory and praise to Him!</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The topic of this month's Migraine and Headache Blog Carnival is "Pets as Therapy: How our pets help us cope with migraine and headache disorders." Ironically, I missed the yesterday's submission deadline because I was exhausted after spending the day at a continuing education seminar on "Animal Assisted Therapeutic Interventions." I have long been a believer in the therapeutic properties of pets, and Marlie, my standard poodle, use to go to work to "help" me with my Play Therapy practice every day before I went on disability. There were many days when I believe she provided much more therapeutic benefit to my clients than I did! Hanging in my office was a sign that read:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Marlie and Milo are essential to my physical and psychological well-being. They are my constant companions who are ever sensitive to how I feel. They are content to lie with me when I feel badly and to entertain me when I am bored. They cause me to laugh, to feel loved unconditionally, to feel less lonely and also meet my need for physical touch. They are often the reason I get up in the morning because I know I need to feed and care for them. When I am at my worst, they cuddle with me, providing me with warmth and love. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But why take my word for it when there is a plethora of research which supports the fact that pets are not only great companions but are also psychologically and physiologically beneficial whether you suffer from a chronic disease or not. My friend Rise Van Fleet has a website entitled the Playful Pooch which focuses on the benefits of animal assisted play therapy. Press the word <a href="http://playfulpooch.org/">DOG</a> to go to her site. Some of the results of Dr. Van Fleet's research has indicated the following conclusions about using dogs in therapy with children; however, her conclusions and those of other researchers show that this information can also be extrapolated to adults. (To read her complete article, please go <a href="http://play-therapy.com/playfulpooch/pets_study.html">HERE</a>.) </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1. "Animals help (people) overcome their fears and reduce their defenses."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2. "They help (people) feel accepted. The animals show affection, interest and attention that (people) need.... They provide comfort."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3. "They give (people) experiences of joy, playfulness and fun. They invite laughter and release."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4. "They empower people and build their confidence."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">5. They provide sensory benefits, including touch/tactile experiences and physical affection that are not (always available or possible).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">6. "They help (people) relax and calm down, reducing some of the anxieties. They provide comfort."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1. Pets are natural mood enhancers and can actually help with the production of Serotonin and Oxytocin. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter and hormone which plays a significant role in mood regulation and is also associated with sleep, learning, Migraine and anxiety. Oxytocin, also a hormone, is strongly tied to trust. Medical research shows that Oxytocin is instrumental in human bonding and that Oxytocin levels go up when one is hugged or kissed (or pets their pet).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2. Petting an animal lowers blood pressure.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3. Pet owners have a lower risk of dying from heart disease.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4. Pets aid in increased mobility and activity because of our responsibility and desire to feed them, care for them and walk them.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">5. Pets decrease the sense of isolation or being alone.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">6. Petting an animal or lying next to it increases endorphins. Endorphins are hormones which can increase a sense of calm, satisfaction and joy and can actually reduce the sensation of pain. Additionally, cuddling up with a pet provides warmth which can be of benefit for aching body parts.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">7. Pets increase our perceived ability to cope. (Siegel, 1999, Carmack, 1999)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">8. Pets aid in lowering triglyceride and cholesterol levels. (Anderson, 1992)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">9. Pets fulfill many of the same support functions as humans. (Melson, 1998)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-large;"><i>After reading this, how can you NOT afford to have a warm, fuzzy friend!?!</i></span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-5184239386307790232012-11-26T19:04:00.000-06:002012-11-26T19:04:21.796-06:00Removing the Mask <div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Removing the Mask</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This may be the most difficult blog post I have ever written due to the degree of honesty and vulnerability about which I am writing. Even I am not sure if I will actually press the "publish" button to allow all to see my innermost thoughts.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am a person who believes in hope and holds on to it with great tenacity. I believe that there is a plan for my life and that it is a good plan (Jeremiah 29:11). To the best of my ability, I focus on the positive because I believe that the way I think shapes how I feel.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">However, this is not an easy task. I am writing this for two reasons. The first of which is that there is some catharsis in writing what I am feeling. Secondly, it is my hope that if anyone else feels this way that they will read it and know that they are not alone.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The holidays are difficult for me. They seem to accentuate my deepest longings and my sense of loss due to chronic pain. They stir up a war within me and cause me to feel like I am playing emotional tug of war. The holidays put a magnifying glass upon my feelings and make it difficult for me to not address my deepest, most hidden feelings.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I cried myself to sleep Thanksgiving night. On the surface, I had a wonderful day of spending time with my family. So what caused the tears? It was the chronic struggle to survive in the midst of the fun. I have a loud, fun and exuberant family who loves to laugh and play jokes, and I have always treasured being a part of that. However, since I have been dealing with chronic pain from Migraines, Fibromyalgia, Spinal Radiculopathy and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, it's all I can do just to be there. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I struggle to keep people from knowing how badly I feel as I am being assaulted by noise, activity, lights and odors. I feel old before my time, and I feel very alone. Rather than sitting in the midst of the fun and participating, I sit at the table with the elderly members of the family. I try to listen as they speak to me but am fighting the pain and the nausea to the degree that I only hear part of what they are saying and can only hope that they don't know that I am not really there. I watch the ones in the other room who I long to spend time with and see them bonding with each other and feel invisible and unimportant. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I struggle with my sense of identity. None of the things that use to give me my definition of self are the same anymore. I have few meaningful contributions to make. I can no longer work at the job that gave me such overwhelming joy - can I even say I am a play therapist any more when there is no play in my life? Can I say I am a mental health therapist when I sit alone in my home? I try to keep up with my continuing education so I will not lose my licenses and certifications, but it is so difficult to attend the required in-class workshops and even harder to a pay for them. I have no professional identity.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I'm not suppose to drive so I am dependent on people to take me places. When I do drive because I cannot get a driver, it is with fear of what might happen. I am grateful to have some people who are willing to take me to the doctor, the grocery or the pharmacy, but my world is shrinking because I never go anywhere else and when I do, I pay for it dearly. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My relationship with friends and family have changed to that of caregivers at best. I feel like a burden. With some, the relationship is but a memory. I who use to have such a huge and vibrant world now have such a little world. I attend church by watching webcasts because when I go into the sanctuary I cannot find a "safe" place to sit because of the perfume and the lights and because any ride I might have would be for the entire three hours of Sunday School and church which my body cannot endure. So I have lost the fellowship of believers which filled my soul in a way I cannot describe. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Friends sometimes still ask me to go to events. I am afraid to say yes because I so frequently have to change my mind at the last minute because of how I am feeling. A friend has asked me to attend a paint party which I have always wanted to do, but I cannot commit because I no longer have the finances and even if I did how could my Migraines survive the smell of paint. And if I went and got sick who would I have to drag away from the party to take me home? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am utterly undependable. I am not there for fun, but neither am I there when people need me. There have been friends and family who are ill, lost loved ones or are hurting, and I am not there for them. I have a friends whose babies or grandbabies are growing, and I cannot spend time with them. I offer to babysit for a couple of hours and then have to cancel because of the pain. So I who use to be in the middle of everything am in the middle of nothing!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I can't go anywhere other than medical appointments, but neither do I want people coming here. I, who have always had such pride in keeping a clean and straight home, live in chaos because I frequently don't feel like picking up after the dogs, washing the dishes, dusting, vacuuming or going through the paperwork. I am ashamed for people to see my home. So the person who use to host all the get-togethers no longer does so.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Christmas is coming and frankly I am dreading it. I try to focus on the reason for Christmas and remind myself that everything else is just fluff, but I loved the fluff. I don't decorate for Christmas - there is no one here to see it and it's just too hard to do the work involved. I can't go shopping because of the onslaught of stimuli, because I can't drive, and, frankly, because I can't afford it. I actually bounced a check for the first time in 35 years. I don't go to all the music performances and parties once again because of the stimuli and because I cannot make a steadfast commitment that I will feel well enough to go.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The things I saw as hallmarks of "me", that represented what was important in my life, were commitment, dependability, giving, friendship, serving, playing and laughter. Where are these things now? They are buried by pain. How do I explain this to someone who doesn't understand? I feel people pulling away from me and I feel myself pulling away from them. I see the skeptical faces and hear the frustration of being asked for help once again. I sense the skepticism about the medications I am on and why I travel six hours to see my migraine doctor.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Most of my friends and family know about my Migraines, but how do you explain something like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue when they have difficulty understanding the impact of Migraines? How do you not feel lazy when you sleep 14-18 hours a day? How do you not feel slothful when you see things in your home not getting done? How do you not feel alone and unimportant when you are so isolated by pain? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">All the things for which I use to get positive affirmations are gone.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Taking away the mask is not pretty. The sense of what is important to you and what identifies you is slipping away. It hurts and is frightening. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am grateful that I am one for whom SSRI's work and that I have an outstanding and encouraging therapist. It is not depression that I deal with - it is grief. I experienced true grief with the heart wrenching loss of my mother, so I know that it changes things irrevocably, but also know that God can and will walk through this with me. I am not giving up and I am not despairing - I'm just being honest. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am being vulnerable and transparent because I know that I have fellow sufferers who live this same existence. Misery really doesn't love company, but knowing someone else has been where you are helps you to normalize what you are feeling. It helps you to feel not quite so alone. It helps you to feel not quite so different.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My prayer for myself and for anyone who reads this is that we will continue to look for glimpses of hope and that somehow we will have a new and good sense of self - a new, but good, normal. The one thing I can do is be here for those who hurt. I may not be able to come to your side but I can pray for you and I will encourage you to the best of my ability. We are not alone even when it feels that way. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;">Please Hear What I am Not Saying</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;">Charles C. Flinn</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: black; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> </span><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Don't be fooled by me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Don't be fooled by the face I wear</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> masks that I'm afraid to take off,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and none of them is me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> but don't be fooled,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> for God's sake don't be fooled.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I give you the impression that I'm secure,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> as without,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> that confidence is my name and coolness my game,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> that the water's calm and I'm in command</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and that I need no one,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> but don't believe me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> ever-varying and ever-concealing.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Beneath lies no complacence.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> a nonchalant sophisticated facade,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> to help me pretend,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> to shield me from the glance that knows.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and I know it.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> That is, if it's followed by acceptance,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> if it's followed by love.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> from my own self-built prison walls,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> It's the only thing that will assure me</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> of what I can't assure myself,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> that I'm really worth something.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> will not be followed by love.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I'm afraid you'll think less of me,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and that you will see this and reject me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> with a facade of assurance without</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and a trembling child within.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and my life becomes a front.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><img alt="" border="0" class="lpxtab" src="http://www.poetrybycharlescfinn.com/tp.gif" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: 1em; width: 30px;" width="30" /> I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I tell you everything that's really nothing,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and nothing of what's everything,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> of what's crying within me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> So when I'm going through my routine</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> do not be fooled by what I'm saying.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> what I'd like to be able to say,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> what for survival I need to say,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> but what I can't say.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I don't like hiding.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I don't like playing superficial phony games.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I want to stop playing them.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> but you've got to help me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> You've got to hold out your hand</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> even when that's the last thing I seem to want.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Only you can wipe away from my eyes</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> the blank stare of the breathing dead.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Only you can call me into aliveness.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> each time you try to understand because you really care,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> my heart begins to grow wings--</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> very small wings,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> very feeble wings,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> but wings!</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> With your power to touch me into feeling</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> you can breathe life into me.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I want you to know that.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I want you to know how important you are to me,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> of the person that is me</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> if you choose to.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> you alone can remove my mask,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> from my lonely prison,</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> if you choose to.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Please choose to.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Do not pass me by.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> It will not be easy for you.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> The nearer you approach to me</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> the blinder I may strike back.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> often I am irrational.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I fight against the very thing I cry out for.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and in this lies my hope.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Please try to beat down those walls</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> with firm hands but with gentle hands</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> for a child is very sensitive.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> Who am I, you may wonder?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> I am someone you know very well.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> For I am every man you meet</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="size10 Helvetica10" style="color: #38761d; line-height: 16px; min-height: 16px;"> and I am every woman you meet.</span></span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-73301445881212185692012-11-21T23:42:00.000-06:002012-11-21T23:42:42.480-06:00Thanksgiving<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">Even in the midst of pain, chaos, conflict and the personal </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">storms of life, there are <i>always</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">reasons for true thanksgiving!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">It is more than a day - </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">It is a way of life -</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">A choice!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">Where I put my mind, my heart follows.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">Where my heart is, I find the source of my state of being.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">If my heart focuses on that which is good and true,</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">I find that joy and contentment are close by</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">even in the midst of a storm!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">We all encounter storms,</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">but we have a choice as to whether we are</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">storm chasers or rainbow seekers!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2cNRrCu6dX6di_G5MtG-8pyuR6tXRWNiHiaBLuMJzIwYfyMSeTE6PVVBLtYsNb7Kpzvvy56eX-rCbnURnvnrDWZ5FgxClHG9Nhgeu4sTKCBWtV9tCbPahGpJmoF2WZ9cnFJM7VaM0Sg/s1600/rainbow+blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2cNRrCu6dX6di_G5MtG-8pyuR6tXRWNiHiaBLuMJzIwYfyMSeTE6PVVBLtYsNb7Kpzvvy56eX-rCbnURnvnrDWZ5FgxClHG9Nhgeu4sTKCBWtV9tCbPahGpJmoF2WZ9cnFJM7VaM0Sg/s1600/rainbow+blog.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;"><i>To all my family and friends, and to my Lord and Savior, I </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;"><i>give thanks on this day set apart to celebrate Thanksgiving!</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre;">May you all have a Blessed and Happy Day!</span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-80442835013708966922012-10-13T21:36:00.000-05:002012-10-13T21:37:23.648-05:00The Power of Positive Thinking<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The Power of Positive Thinking</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Cheer Up! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> You can if you think you can! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Just look on the bright side!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Smile - the world smiles with you if you smile! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">A frown turned upside down is a smile! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> Things couldn't possibly be that bad! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Fake it until you make it. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Just put mind over matter!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One of the best greeting cards I ever received contained a number of platitudes of this sort on the cover and on the inside it said "The preceding lies were brought to you by the National Federation of People you run into when you're having a rotten day." The card caused me to laugh not so much because it was so funny but because it was so true! </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">For those of us with chronic illness and pain, there are always going to be people who try to help us with "cheer up" messages. I don't know about you, but the response I frequently want to say with deep sarcasm is "Oh, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I would have <i>never</i> thought of that. Just imagine how much money I could have saved from all of my doctor visits if you had just come along and said that a little bit earlier." Of course, I don't say this to them because I know that most people are speaking out of a genuine desire to help or express caring or out of an astounding lack of knowledge, tact and empathy. I also know that regardless of why they say it that there are few whose minds I can change by a single sarcastic remark. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">On the other hand, I have found that practicing positivity does help me in my day to day struggles with pain, worry and depression. A study published in <i>Health Psychology (2012)</i> by Gillam (et al.) found that people who publicly state that they are coping successfully with their chronic pain actually tend to cope much better than those who do not. In this study, 89 individuals with a history of chronic pain were divided into two groups. One group was provided with scripts which contained positive affirmations regarding the individuals' ability to cope. A part of their task was to present themselves as "good copers" to those around them. The other group, on the other hand, portrayed themselves as "poor copers." </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Even though both groups of people had significant levels of chronic pain, it was found that those who practiced positive affirmations and saying that they were "good copers" had statistically improved levels of self efficacy (the belief that one is competent and able to meet their goals), depression, and positive coping. In essence, there was a self-fufilling prophecy whereby individuals who focused on a belief in their own ability to handle pain actually experienced positive change in their ability to cope. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The take-away from this study is not that one must deny his/her pain, but that by using positive affirmations and self-talk, we can actually increase our own belief in our ability to manage pain. As our belief increases, it is only natural that hope emerges. In my opinion, it is this experience of hope that allows us to be resilient in the face of chronic pain, anxiety and depression. When we focus on our inability to cope, we find ourselves with the belief that we have limited options and are thereby "stuck" with little hope. On the other hand, when we develop the belief that there is hope, we are then able to think outside of the box when it comes to problem solving and coping skills. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Based on this study, hope, resilience and self-efficacy are not a state of mind or a personality characteristic, but a trait that can be learned through positive affirmations. I have long had a list of positive affirmations and Scriptures to which I turn when I am having a particularly difficult day. When I take the time to read these things, they are powerful reminders to me of what can be. I don't believe that one can necessarily use another person's positive affirmations; however, if it would help any of my readers, I'd be glad to share mine with you. My list is one that has been compiled over a number of years during (what I like to call) my "sane" moments. Those "sane" moments are the times when pain is not so oppressive that I can see no way out. These were not written during pain free moments as I don't have those. However, they were written during times when pain was at a lower level or when circumstances were such that I could see beyond the fog of pain.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In my life, I have truly seen the truth of the principles of this study. When I focus on what I don't have or how I am feeling, I inevitably feel worse and begin to despair. When I focus on hope, I inevitably feel better. This does not mean that I don't share my struggles, my pain or my fears with others. In fact, the ability to share these issues with others <i>in the same situation</i> who help me practice positive and proactive strategies is a huge part of my coping mechanisms. At other times, I reach out to friends (who know better than to utter trivial and trite cheer-up messages) and ask them to hang on to hope for me. There is something very powerful in knowing that others believe in my ability to cope and to get better. The key for me is to not get bogged down in the belief that chronic pain defines my life and means that I have no hope and no control.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><i>"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." </i>Jeremiah 29:11</span></div>
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-86457992534832958482012-09-21T22:23:00.000-05:002012-09-21T22:24:54.253-05:00Positive Psychology<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">As many of you are aware, I am a mental health therapist. I can't tell you how many times, I have said "doctor, heal yourself!" as I walk through my current storm of chronic pain. You know as well as I do that it's just not that easy, and many of us have a choir of people who are ready to tell us what we need to do in order to feel better. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">However, as I was reflecting on this, I thought of one of my favorite models of psychology. It is called Positive Psychology. Positive Psychology, as a branch of psychology, wasn't formalized until 1988 so it is fairly recent. It is based on the scientific study of individual traits that allow people to thrive and carry on in the midst of life's storms. It is based on the belief that people want "to lead meaningful and fulfilling lives, to cultivate what is best within themselves and to enhance their experiences of love, work, and play." (University of Pennsylvania) I would like to also add that it can enhance our experience with pain management.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Positive Psychology focuses on happiness and contentment in the present and hope for the future. It specifically addresses good ways to handle disappointment, stress and those inevitable storms in life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">To a large degree, Positive Psychology is based on the premise that how we think shapes how we feel. This is not to suggest that if we engage in some denial of our pain that it will cease to exist. Rather, it offers coping mechanisms that are intrinsic to most individuals. For example, have you ever noticed that if you focus on your blessings, things that make you happy, and things that are humorous, that your <i>experience</i> of pain is not as all-consuming? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">This doesn't mean that your pain is any less. It is just a shift of focus. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I know that when I watch my silly puppy throwing his toys in the air, spend time with someone I love, watch a funny movie, have a belly laugh with someone over something ridiculous that I've done (you know who you are and you better not be talking), and spend time in prayer praising God rather than asking Him for things that something shifts inside of me. The pain is still very real, but I am able to move my attention from looking at it so intensely that it cripples me to allowing myself to enjoy life <i>in spite of the pain.</i> It doesn't make me any less physically disabled but it does help me to become less emotionally disabled.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">If I focus on my pain, it drives me mad. I become anxious; I become frightened; I become hopeless. And I will confess that I do this plenty of times and that I then go into the "oh my goodness, what can I do" panic mode! Having gone back to think about what I know about Positive Psychology has reminded me that while I might not have a choice over what my body does, I do have a choice over where my mind dwells. It's not an easy or simplistic thing to do, but for me, it makes a huge difference.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I'm going to be focusing on Positive Psychology for the next few blog entries and how one can incorporate it into their life. Before I do, however, let me stress that it is not meant to diminish the reality of both physical and emotional suffering. These are both physiological functions, and thought alone is not going to "cure" anything. Positive Psychology, in my opinion, is just another tool in my Migraine toolkit. It is not a substitution for medical treatment, for medication or for honesty about what is going on in one's life. I hope you will join me in exploring Positive Psychology.</span><br />
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Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-69144194274707748192012-08-11T12:34:00.000-05:002012-08-11T12:34:00.974-05:00Having the Blahs<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Each time I turn on my computer, I see the link to my blog - just sitting there to remind me that I need to write something. While I feel the tug to update my blog, I'm equally compelled to just ignore it. I guess you could say that I have a major case of the blahs. The goal of my blog was to be encouraging and a beacon of hope, so having to write about the blahs is the last thing I want to do.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It's not that anything is wrong. I guess it's just because everything is the same. You who deal with chronic issues in your life (whether it be pain or not) will probably understand this. I am generally a person of great hope and expectancy. I have always firmly felt that things won't be like this forever, but I have to admit that sometimes the "what-if's" sneak into my mind. At those times, the majority of my energy seems to go to just keeping the status-quo emotionally. Frankly, I'm tired of things always being the same.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I started with a new doctor about five months ago. Although I know that working with any doctor is a process and that finding the right medicine or treatment takes time, I have to also admit that it is easy to become discouraged. It's just that I've seen so many doctors - each time hopeful that he/she would be the one to help me begin to resume a "normal" life or would at least be the one who holds high a beacon of hope for me, helping me to believe that things have the potential for becoming better.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Don't get me wrong - I love my new doctor. I even found that my first round of Botox gave me about two weeks of lesser intensity in my Migraines. However, the second round of Botox has not had the same result. In fact, the last month has been more difficult than usual. I know it sounds twisted, but there is a sense of being like a child before Christmas when I'm going to an expert in Migraines. I can't wait to open up the unknown that he might have for me. The anticipation and joy are great, but they dim quickly when you find that it may be more of the same old thing - certainly a lot more waiting and trying to find a reason to hope. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, I honestly feel stuck. I have friends and family who I want to be there for during their difficult times; I have friends and family I want to be with during their fun times; I have obligations I want to complete; I have a house I moved into nine months ago that is still just a big white box and has not been decorated or organized to the degree that I feel at home. I have a car sitting in the garage that I've been told not to drive, but places that I want to go. I have people that I want to talk with but just don't have the emotional or physical energy to do so. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I had a good talking to myself last night about what I need to do to get out of the blahs. I know that one of the major things that I need to do is to re-set my expectations and once again remind myself to look for the reasons to be content and happy in the here and now. I also need to remind myself that I have a reason to trust and hope for the future rather than resigning myself to just the here and now. Hope surrounds me, but honestly sometimes when I focus too much on how I am feeling physically, I lose sight of the hope. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">So, I have to ask myself again. Will I still choose to focus on hope and glorify my Lord in the midst of the apathy I feel right now? The answering is a resounding yes. It's not because I necessarily feel that way, but because I choose to remember that I am called to look at "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, whatever is excellent or praiseworthy." (Philippians 4:8)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yes, I do have a major case of the blahs, but I am trying hard to hold on to the hope I know that I have - even when it doesn't take on the shape and appearance that I would like.</span></div><table align="center" border="0" cellpadding="22" cellspacing="0" class="mainbk" style="background-color: #b9e3ff; color: #001320; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; width: 100%px;"><tbody>
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</tbody></table>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-33701280551036444212012-06-27T19:09:00.001-05:002012-06-28T18:20:35.863-05:00Migraine Awareness Month #27: "In My Head and Heart - My Dad"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Today is day #27 for the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. The prompt is "In my Head and Heart. Who inspires you to keep trying and not give up, despite your Migraines?"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am incredibly blessed to have a father who is a model of grace, perseverance and belief in both good times and difficult times. His personal battle with cancer has taught me what it is to lead a life of hope and joy. Daddy has battled with cancer twice in his life. During his first battle, he was recovering from surgery as my mother, who also had cancer, was being brought into the hospital for what was to begin her last days. As he awoke from surgery, we had to tell him the news about mom. While many people would be overwhelmed and incapacitated by their own pain - both physical and emotional - my father showed us all what it was like to have grace under pressure. He encouraged my mom and the three of us with his love, his presence, his faith and his laughter even though he was experiencing significant personal pain. He helped us all to celebrate my mom's life, our faith and our memories as a family by his example.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Twelve years later, Dad was diagnosed with cancer again. This time the prognosis was much more grim, and he was given a 20 percent chance of recovery. At the age of 81, he underwent a very complex and difficult surgery with significant pain and rehabilitation. I watched as my father held on to the Lord with unwavering faith. It was as if he took his illness as an opportunity to love others and to shower them with the grace that he has found in our Lord. He chose to say "thank you" for something that he did not understand but trusted could bring glory to God rather than asking why this had happened. Rather than complaining, he went out of his way to find means to encourage others. I have never seen anyone deal with adversity with the grace, faith and dignity that my dad did. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dad is my shining example of what it is to persevere with hope in the midst of hard times. When I think about complaining, I learn from his example of praising. When I think about giving up, I think of his example of doing whatever it took. When I think about withdrawing, I think about how dad reached out to and touched so many people in the midst of his difficulty. When I think that there is no hope, I think of how my dad, who was told that there was little hope, hung on to hope in a way that everyone who knew him was effected by. When I think that there is little I have to offer because of my situation, I see all that dad did for others in the midst of his illness. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In addition to all of this, my father has been one of my biggest supporters during this time of chronic, intractable Migraines. He has been there for me in every situation. He has helped me out financially; he has supported me emotionally, and he has loved me unconditionally. I saw Romans 12:12 personified in my dad: "Be joyful in hope; patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am so thankful for my dad. He inspires me every day to be a better, more loving, more giving and more faithful person. My prayer is that I might follow his example in praising God, serving others, and rejoicing in the good that surrounds me even when things are at their most difficult. </span><br />
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</span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-12464856701476746792012-06-25T00:16:00.000-05:002012-06-25T00:16:34.987-05:00National Migraine Awareness Month #24: A Letter to God<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The prompt for the 24th day of this National Migraine Blogging Challenge is "Dear Genie. Put together a wish list for your life." I have decided to write a letter to my Heavenly Father who is the source of all my help.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Dear Father,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Wow - I've been asked to put together a wish list for my life. So many things instantly come to my mind - my health, the health and well-being of those I love, financial security, the desire to engage in my profession. I think of so many prayers that I have prayed to You. They have been heartfelt, earnest, even desperate, prayers asking for relief from the life I live with Chronic Migraines. There are even times when I have asked that You let my life here on earth just end so that I might be free of the pain, the fear and the loneliness. I know that You are a mighty God and are capable of performing great miracles. Yet, for some reason, You allow me to continue to deal with my Migraines daily. I have to be honest and tell You that my human nature often screams out the question "Why?" I feel like I could do so much more for You and others if I didn't have these Migraines and that my life would be so much richer.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yet, when I really examine my heart, what I want most is to be conformed to Your character and to really grow in my knowledge and intimacy with You. This is a scary thing to say as I know that it means laying all my desires and hopes at Your feet and saying "not my will, by Your will be done." I don't even know why that is so frightening. You have, after all, shown Yourself to be faithful and loving and compassionate over and over again. I know that it is often the hard things in life which cause me to draw closest to You. If left to my own devices, I would rely on my own intellect and ability and would surely fall short, as well as miss the blessing of experiencing You as my Abba, my daddy. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yes, Father, I desperately want to be free of Migraines. Yet, when I am forced to answer a question such as that laid before me in this challenge, I know that what I want more than anything is to be your faithful daughter. I want to be the daughter that turns to her Heavenly Father with same kind of certainty and trust that I turn to my earthly dad with. I want to praise You for where You have me in my life and, as difficult as it is, to thank You for what You are doing in my life through Migraines.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I certainly don't think that my Migraines are a part of some divine plan, but I do believe that You can and do use everything that occurs in my life for good. Please take this time and use it for good. Let me be a person who nestles into Your arms and waits expectantly for Your divine will. I pray that out of this time that I might know You more intimately, love you with all my heart and soul, and follow You more closely so that I might know and reflect Your character. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I pray that when people see me coping with Migraine disease that they will see a woman who has put her unwavering trust in her God. Help my words and my actions to not be empty, but to be full of purpose. I ask that when I am feeling at my worst and feel that there is little hope that I will find great delight in knowing You. Help me to remember the joy of knowing that I do not </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My two greatest wishes are that through these experiences that I might come to know and love You more and that I will be a reflection of Your light and hope for the world. I pray that the way in which I handle my adversity will be a reflection of my love and trust in You.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">As Keith Green sang, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">"Make my life a prayer to You. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I want to do what You want me to. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">No empty words and no white lies;</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> No token prayers; No compromise. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I want to shine the light </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You gave through Your Son </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">who You sent to save me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> from myself and my despair. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> It comforts me to know you are really there. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> I want to thank you now for being patient with me. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Oh it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me.... </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I want to die and let You give Your life to me,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> so I might live and share the hope You gave to me, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">the love that set me free. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I want to tell the world out there,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> You're not some fable or fairy tale </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">that I've made up inside my head, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You're God the Son; You've risen from the dead!"</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Thank you for the hope You've given me which is surely greater than any wish a genie might impart!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Your loving daughter,</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Cyn</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3JUJL0YJEc">Listen to Keith Green Sing "Make My Life a Prayer."</a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: xx-small; line-height: 15px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com./" style="color: #347b10; text-decoration: none;"> www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></div><div class="lyrictxt" id="content" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.lyricsfreak.com/i/txtstripes.gif); background-origin: initial; font: normal normal normal 15px/normal 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 0px; width: 440px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 12px; line-height: 0px;"> </span></div>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-48189279676999494642012-06-23T21:42:00.000-05:002012-06-23T21:42:13.538-05:00National Migraine Awareness Month #23: Oh, The Things I've Done!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Today is #23 of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. The prompt is "I Drank the Kool-Aid! We all try things out of desperation, even when our common sense is telling us they're not going to do anything. Share your experience with this."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My hometown has an Italian festival every year replete with Italian food, vendors, music and bocce ball. For a number of years, a group of us would go together to enjoy being outside and peruse the many activities. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">As we strolled through the vendors, we came upon a couple of men who had a large sign which proclaimed that they could get rid of a Migraine in five minutes. They purportedly did so by placing an odd looking electronic helmet on the head of the individual with the Migraine and then ran some kind of vibration through it. Of course, everyone who was with me wanted me to try this great new invention. I had just returned from Mayo Clinic where I had spent seven weeks trying to find relief from my Migraines, so I decided what the heck. Maybe these two hawkers at an Italian Festival had an answer that the numerous doctors at Mayo Clinic did not! (heavy sarcasm)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One of the gentlemen had me sit on a stool in his tent and placed his gadget of supposed Migraine miracles upon my head. Almost immediately I became nauseous. He assured me that there was nothing to worry about and that nausea was sometimes a part of the healing process. Within three minutes, my Migraine escalated from about a level 3 to a level 7, and I was becoming dizzy as I frequently do from Migraines. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I told him that I needed to stop. To this, he asked me how long I had been having Migraines. When I told him that it was since early childhood, he breathed an "aha" - telling me that with my lengthy experience with Migraines that it would probably take <i>ten</i> minutes to get rid of it instead of five! All I wanted by this time was out! I had him remove his miracle cure and walked drunkenly away from his booth wondering how I had once again fallen for yet another charlatan who was trying to make money off the desire of people to become well. As I walked away, he followed me, telling me that I had not given it enough of a chance and that if I only purchased it and used it at home, I would become a new woman in regards to my Migraines!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Thank God, I was not stupid enough to buy the baloney that he was selling! However, if you were to look around my home (or have been to any of my numerous garage sales), you will see hundreds of gadgets and potions which have been purchased in the vain attempt to become pain free. I have to also confess to visiting almost every doctor, chiropractor, massage therapist, physical therapist and alternative medicine practitioner who anyone has told me has helped a friend of a friend of a friend with Migraines! And although I have stopped this madness for the most part, I have to confess that when my Migraines are at their worse and I am up in the middle of the night suffering, I still have a tendency to search the Internet for that one thing that I (and all the doctors I've been to) might have missed! Oy Vey!</span><br />
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</span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-46235135388503486672012-06-22T19:50:00.000-05:002012-06-22T19:50:22.450-05:00National Migraine Awareness Month #22: The Game Changer<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Day 22 of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge: "The Game Changer - Tell us about a time your plans changed due either to an unexpected Migraine or an unexpected Migraine-free experience."</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfpLULXwIPUzZqr1eYgQ8XHNT6-iQL440F81dhcO9WNNylf8seW-1LfZBI5-SxFspS7T_I8z-_Jmzs0uY0iXSIL1XfD3x_orS0H3eVC853ZZpvN9QJhP_kFiZpLbykcnNhEKcQdsIhpQ/s1600/blog+-white+water+rafting" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfpLULXwIPUzZqr1eYgQ8XHNT6-iQL440F81dhcO9WNNylf8seW-1LfZBI5-SxFspS7T_I8z-_Jmzs0uY0iXSIL1XfD3x_orS0H3eVC853ZZpvN9QJhP_kFiZpLbykcnNhEKcQdsIhpQ/s320/blog+-white+water+rafting" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">White Water Rafting in Costa Rica</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;">(That's me on the far right.)</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">For a person who was always very timid as a child, I became something of an adrenaline junkie as an adult. I love roller coasters, zip lining and white water rafting. For years, my goal was to spend a week white water rafting and camping along the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. I read books about it and researched it. I planned everything I would do while on that trip - take a helicopter ride down to the launch point; scream with excitement as I rode the waves; sit by the camp fire at night while served gourmet meals; lie in my sleeping bag looking up at the stars; marvel at the magnificence of the Grand Canyon! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">As my fiftieth birthday drew near, my sweet father decided that he would treat me and a friend to a white water rafting trip in the Grand Canyon. On my birthday, he gave me a Fodor's guide to the Grand Canyon so I could plan my trip. I cannot think of a time when I was more excited about doing anything. However, it was during this time that my Migraines were becoming more frequent and more severe. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Instead, my birthday gift became a trip to Mayo Clinic, Dallas, TX and Philadelphia, PA to try to find an answer for my Migraines. While I am so grateful to have had the financial support of my father to try to get treatment for my Migraines, my eyes still catch sight of that Fodor guide to the Grand Canyon on my book shelf, and I think of how different things could have been. Instead of building memories about medications, side effects, hospitals and doctors, I could have built memories of laughter, adrenalin, fun with my friend and awe-inspiring beauty that would have been with me for a life time.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yes, Migraines have caused many changes in my game plans over the last five years. They have changed what I wanted to do with my career, what I wanted to do with my family, and what I wanted to do with my friends. However, even more so, Migraines have been a life changer. It's just not realistic for me to make plans any more. It seems that I am always having to cancel anything that I plan because I never know where I will be on the spectrum of pain from day to day. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I regret missing the "grand" things such as white water rafting or taking my niece and nephew to swim with dolphins, I think it is the little day to day things that I miss the most. There have been so many birthdays and special occasions, activities that my niece and nephew participated in and outings with friends or family that I have had to miss. Unless you've been there, it's very difficult to describe what it's like to be at home with a Migraine when the people you love are busy engaging in activities of which you want to be a part. Things that I've missed that I can't get back include my niece's plays or my nephew's soccer games, being there for my dad when he was sick, going to a concert with my friends, sitting outside by the pool and cooking out with my family.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Being able to participate in grand adventures is great, but it is truly the everyday adventures that I wish I could be a part of the most. However, I'm keeping my eyes on that Fodor book because I'm just going to keep believing that my Migraines will one day be under control, and I can once again jump into the every day adventures <i>and</i> the grand adventures with all the gusto one can muster!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Grand Canyon, here I come - I don't know when, but I'm coming!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small; line-height: 15px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com./" style="color: #347b10; text-decoration: none;"> www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br />
</span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-49723980499992638212012-06-21T21:47:00.000-05:002012-06-21T21:47:18.926-05:00National Migraine Awareness Month #21: Living With Anticipatory Fear<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">For the 21st prompt of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge, we are asked to identify our biggest Migraine related fear and how we cope with it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">There are a number of fears that come along with having chronic, intractable Migraines.</span><br />
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<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Will I have enough money to pay my bills?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: lime; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">What does my financial future hold?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Will they ever come up with an effective treatment for my Migraines and pain?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Will I ever get back to the career I love?</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Will my life ever be normal again?</span></li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">If I were to be at my most honest and most transparent with you, I have to admit that the question that plagues me the most is </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">"If nothing changes, what will my life be like ten years from now?"</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"> It is so easy to get caught up in anticipatory fear - imagining the worse. There are times when I look forward and all I see is an old, lonely, financially unstable woman worn out by the struggle of just making it day to day besieged by pain and anxiety.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Yet, the one thing that I have learned the most from my journey with chronic Migraines is that anticipatory fear or living with life's "what-ifs" is a futile and self-defeating behavior. As one who has a lot of time to think, I find that thinking about my health and my future is one of the most unproductive things I can do. It is when I focus on these things that my mind goes in a million different directions, and I drive myself crazy by thinking of all the things that could go wrong or that I miss or regret.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">While I have always had a propensity for engaging in anticipatory fear, it has been magnified and put under a microscope over the last five years. Many of the things I have always dreaded are now my daily reality. Oddly enough, I am deeply grateful for this because what I have seen when I really look at my tendency to worry about the future and borrow trouble from tomorrow is that I rob today of any joy and peace that it could possibly have by doing so. AND, on top of that, fear and worry have absolutely no ability to change anything!!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It has caused me to ask significant, life changing questions of myself. </span><br />
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<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Would I exchange a life of joy and peace for a pain free life? </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Would I exchange financial security for reliance upon my Lord and Savior? </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Would I give up finding my identity in the uncompromising love of God in order to find it in my career? </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Whose image of me do I hold of greatest esteem - that of family, friends and colleagues or that of my Heavenly Father? </span></li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to make those choices; however, I cannot change the fact I currently have chronic, intractable Migraines and that those questions are no longer rhetorical. I have a choice, and it is not an easy one. It is a choice that I have to make again and again, moment by moment. I can allow Migraines to rob my life of all current and future hope, peace and joy, or I can strive with all of my might to live in the present, focusing on that which is positive rather than on that which produces fear and anxiety. Where do I want to put my efforts - in worry or in trying to overcome worry?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">My current aspiration is to make Philippians 4:8 the sieve through which I view everything that happens to me. I constantly remind myself - "Finally, Cyndi, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if <i>anything </i>is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I am not a Pollyanna. I am by nature - a worrier. I have always looked at the glass half empty rather than half full. However, my life with chronic pain has convinced me that if I focus on fear and pain, there is absolutely no hope for the future. So with gritted teeth and determined mind, I thank God for what He is allowing me to experience, for out of it I am finally learning to not let fear control my life. At this time, when it makes more sense than ever before to be living with anticipatory fear, I am finally learning to live in the moment and to do so with a heart full of hope.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I do not know what my future holds. I could extrapolate and project what it might hold based upon what I experience today. However, if I even believe a minute portion of the promises that I find in Scripture; if I have even a glimmer of a belief that God is in control, I will continue to hold tightly to the truth that God has a future and a hope for me (Jeremiah 29:11). And most importantly, I will continue to believe that this future and hope are possible in any situation - even chronic pain. So I will constantly remind myself to hang my belief system regarding my life on what is written in Scripture rather than on my faulty, worry-ladened, doom-ridden natural inclinations.</span><br />
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</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small; line-height: 15px;">National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by <a href="http://www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com./" style="color: #347b10; text-decoration: none;"> www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.</a></span></span>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8880114962813034131.post-63125682339847017632012-06-20T16:37:00.001-05:002012-06-22T23:13:18.688-05:00National Migraine Awareness Month : Playing Catch Up<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I can't believe it is already day #20 of the Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. I had hoped to participate in this everyday, but between Migraines and a root canal, I have missed several of the last few days. So today, I'm going to address a couple of the issues from the blog challenges I missed over the last week. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">#16 "Lead, Follow or Get out of the Way - Which role fits you and why?" I have been so blessed to be touched and changed by many of the wonderful leaders in the Migraine community. These people have made a significant difference in my life and for that I am profoundly grateful. I don't that I would describe myself as either a leader or a follower. I feel that my role at this time is to be one who comes along side and walks with other sufferers. I can think of no greater privilege and joy than being able to share life with my fellow Migraineurs. One of my favorite quotes is by Emerson: "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; That is to have succeeded." My deepest desire is that the people I interact with in the Migraine world will breathe a little easier because they know they have a friend, a supporter, a prayer warrior, and a co-journeyer who is willing to walk with them in their journey. I want to be one who encourages, shares information and empathizes. I want my friendship to be a safe place where one does not have to worry about being perfect, putting on a happy face or being condemned. I would like to be able to hold on to hope for others when they are feeling hopeless and to be one who will join hands with others as we go through this journey together.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">#18 - "The Price is Right - what would you do for the Migraine community if money were no issue." My dream would be to develop a scholarship fund so that no Migraineur goes without treatment, medication or alternative treatments (physical therapy, psychological therapy, biofeedback, massage) because they cannot afford the treatment or the travel related expenses associated with it. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">#19 - "The Match Game - </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Describe your perfect doctor to treat your Migraines.</span><br />
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<ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is up-to-date and knowledgeable about current Migraine treatments and those in the planning or research phase.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is empathic and caring, as well as a good listener</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is able to express themselves well.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who has a good sense of humor.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is patient and does not give up on their patients, no matter how difficult their Migraines are to treat.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who follows through on their ideas and suggestions.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is open to input from the patient, as well as from other members of the patient's healthcare team.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who enjoys educating patients and their families through individual and group encounters, as well as written material.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is accessible between standard appointments if needed.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who takes a holistic approach and provides information regarding alternative treatments, nutrition, exercise, supplements and other lifestyle changes.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One is committed to doing whatever it takes to help the patient find hope and help with their Migraines.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who is financially affordable in all areas of their treatment.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who has an office designed for the comfort of Migraineurs.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who has put together a team of professionals who care about the patient and work together in a professional yet friendly and caring manner.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who sees the patient as a part of the treatment team.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One who will coordinate with other members of my healthcare team.</span></li>
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</span></div>Cynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06640210912375674005noreply@blogger.com0