Today is day #27 for the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. The prompt is "In my Head and Heart. Who inspires you to keep trying and not give up, despite your Migraines?"
I am incredibly blessed to have a father who is a model of grace, perseverance and belief in both good times and difficult times. His personal battle with cancer has taught me what it is to lead a life of hope and joy. Daddy has battled with cancer twice in his life. During his first battle, he was recovering from surgery as my mother, who also had cancer, was being brought into the hospital for what was to begin her last days. As he awoke from surgery, we had to tell him the news about mom. While many people would be overwhelmed and incapacitated by their own pain - both physical and emotional - my father showed us all what it was like to have grace under pressure. He encouraged my mom and the three of us with his love, his presence, his faith and his laughter even though he was experiencing significant personal pain. He helped us all to celebrate my mom's life, our faith and our memories as a family by his example.
Twelve years later, Dad was diagnosed with cancer again. This time the prognosis was much more grim, and he was given a 20 percent chance of recovery. At the age of 81, he underwent a very complex and difficult surgery with significant pain and rehabilitation. I watched as my father held on to the Lord with unwavering faith. It was as if he took his illness as an opportunity to love others and to shower them with the grace that he has found in our Lord. He chose to say "thank you" for something that he did not understand but trusted could bring glory to God rather than asking why this had happened. Rather than complaining, he went out of his way to find means to encourage others. I have never seen anyone deal with adversity with the grace, faith and dignity that my dad did.
Dad is my shining example of what it is to persevere with hope in the midst of hard times. When I think about complaining, I learn from his example of praising. When I think about giving up, I think of his example of doing whatever it took. When I think about withdrawing, I think about how dad reached out to and touched so many people in the midst of his difficulty. When I think that there is no hope, I think of how my dad, who was told that there was little hope, hung on to hope in a way that everyone who knew him was effected by. When I think that there is little I have to offer because of my situation, I see all that dad did for others in the midst of his illness.
In addition to all of this, my father has been one of my biggest supporters during this time of chronic, intractable Migraines. He has been there for me in every situation. He has helped me out financially; he has supported me emotionally, and he has loved me unconditionally. I saw Romans 12:12 personified in my dad: "Be joyful in hope; patient in affliction and faithful in prayer."
I am so thankful for my dad. He inspires me every day to be a better, more loving, more giving and more faithful person. My prayer is that I might follow his example in praising God, serving others, and rejoicing in the good that surrounds me even when things are at their most difficult.
Showing posts with label national migraine awareness month. Show all posts
Showing posts with label national migraine awareness month. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
National Migraine Awareness Month #24: A Letter to God
The prompt for the 24th day of this National Migraine Blogging Challenge is "Dear Genie. Put together a wish list for your life." I have decided to write a letter to my Heavenly Father who is the source of all my help.
Dear Father,
Wow - I've been asked to put together a wish list for my life. So many things instantly come to my mind - my health, the health and well-being of those I love, financial security, the desire to engage in my profession. I think of so many prayers that I have prayed to You. They have been heartfelt, earnest, even desperate, prayers asking for relief from the life I live with Chronic Migraines. There are even times when I have asked that You let my life here on earth just end so that I might be free of the pain, the fear and the loneliness. I know that You are a mighty God and are capable of performing great miracles. Yet, for some reason, You allow me to continue to deal with my Migraines daily. I have to be honest and tell You that my human nature often screams out the question "Why?" I feel like I could do so much more for You and others if I didn't have these Migraines and that my life would be so much richer.
Yet, when I really examine my heart, what I want most is to be conformed to Your character and to really grow in my knowledge and intimacy with You. This is a scary thing to say as I know that it means laying all my desires and hopes at Your feet and saying "not my will, by Your will be done." I don't even know why that is so frightening. You have, after all, shown Yourself to be faithful and loving and compassionate over and over again. I know that it is often the hard things in life which cause me to draw closest to You. If left to my own devices, I would rely on my own intellect and ability and would surely fall short, as well as miss the blessing of experiencing You as my Abba, my daddy.
Yes, Father, I desperately want to be free of Migraines. Yet, when I am forced to answer a question such as that laid before me in this challenge, I know that what I want more than anything is to be your faithful daughter. I want to be the daughter that turns to her Heavenly Father with same kind of certainty and trust that I turn to my earthly dad with. I want to praise You for where You have me in my life and, as difficult as it is, to thank You for what You are doing in my life through Migraines.
I certainly don't think that my Migraines are a part of some divine plan, but I do believe that You can and do use everything that occurs in my life for good. Please take this time and use it for good. Let me be a person who nestles into Your arms and waits expectantly for Your divine will. I pray that out of this time that I might know You more intimately, love you with all my heart and soul, and follow You more closely so that I might know and reflect Your character.
I pray that when people see me coping with Migraine disease that they will see a woman who has put her unwavering trust in her God. Help my words and my actions to not be empty, but to be full of purpose. I ask that when I am feeling at my worst and feel that there is little hope that I will find great delight in knowing You. Help me to remember the joy of knowing that I do not
have to cling to You because You cling to me!
My two greatest wishes are that through these experiences that I might come to know and love You more and that I will be a reflection of Your light and hope for the world. I pray that the way in which I handle my adversity will be a reflection of my love and trust in You.
Dear Father,
Wow - I've been asked to put together a wish list for my life. So many things instantly come to my mind - my health, the health and well-being of those I love, financial security, the desire to engage in my profession. I think of so many prayers that I have prayed to You. They have been heartfelt, earnest, even desperate, prayers asking for relief from the life I live with Chronic Migraines. There are even times when I have asked that You let my life here on earth just end so that I might be free of the pain, the fear and the loneliness. I know that You are a mighty God and are capable of performing great miracles. Yet, for some reason, You allow me to continue to deal with my Migraines daily. I have to be honest and tell You that my human nature often screams out the question "Why?" I feel like I could do so much more for You and others if I didn't have these Migraines and that my life would be so much richer.
Yet, when I really examine my heart, what I want most is to be conformed to Your character and to really grow in my knowledge and intimacy with You. This is a scary thing to say as I know that it means laying all my desires and hopes at Your feet and saying "not my will, by Your will be done." I don't even know why that is so frightening. You have, after all, shown Yourself to be faithful and loving and compassionate over and over again. I know that it is often the hard things in life which cause me to draw closest to You. If left to my own devices, I would rely on my own intellect and ability and would surely fall short, as well as miss the blessing of experiencing You as my Abba, my daddy.
Yes, Father, I desperately want to be free of Migraines. Yet, when I am forced to answer a question such as that laid before me in this challenge, I know that what I want more than anything is to be your faithful daughter. I want to be the daughter that turns to her Heavenly Father with same kind of certainty and trust that I turn to my earthly dad with. I want to praise You for where You have me in my life and, as difficult as it is, to thank You for what You are doing in my life through Migraines.
I certainly don't think that my Migraines are a part of some divine plan, but I do believe that You can and do use everything that occurs in my life for good. Please take this time and use it for good. Let me be a person who nestles into Your arms and waits expectantly for Your divine will. I pray that out of this time that I might know You more intimately, love you with all my heart and soul, and follow You more closely so that I might know and reflect Your character.
I pray that when people see me coping with Migraine disease that they will see a woman who has put her unwavering trust in her God. Help my words and my actions to not be empty, but to be full of purpose. I ask that when I am feeling at my worst and feel that there is little hope that I will find great delight in knowing You. Help me to remember the joy of knowing that I do not
have to cling to You because You cling to me!
My two greatest wishes are that through these experiences that I might come to know and love You more and that I will be a reflection of Your light and hope for the world. I pray that the way in which I handle my adversity will be a reflection of my love and trust in You.
As Keith Green sang,
"Make my life a prayer to You.
I want to do what You want me to.
No empty words and no white lies;
No token prayers; No compromise.
I want to shine the light
You gave through Your Son
who You sent to save me
from myself and my despair.
It comforts me to know you are really there.
I want to thank you now for being patient with me.
Oh it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me....
I want to die and let You give Your life to me,
so I might live and share the hope You gave to me,
the love that set me free.
I want to tell the world out there,
You're not some fable or fairy tale
that I've made up inside my head,
You're God the Son; You've risen from the dead!"
Thank you for the hope You've given me which is surely greater than any wish a genie might impart!
Your loving daughter,
Cyn
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
National Migraine Awareness Month #23: Oh, The Things I've Done!
Today is #23 of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. The prompt is "I Drank the Kool-Aid! We all try things out of desperation, even when our common sense is telling us they're not going to do anything. Share your experience with this."
My hometown has an Italian festival every year replete with Italian food, vendors, music and bocce ball. For a number of years, a group of us would go together to enjoy being outside and peruse the many activities.
As we strolled through the vendors, we came upon a couple of men who had a large sign which proclaimed that they could get rid of a Migraine in five minutes. They purportedly did so by placing an odd looking electronic helmet on the head of the individual with the Migraine and then ran some kind of vibration through it. Of course, everyone who was with me wanted me to try this great new invention. I had just returned from Mayo Clinic where I had spent seven weeks trying to find relief from my Migraines, so I decided what the heck. Maybe these two hawkers at an Italian Festival had an answer that the numerous doctors at Mayo Clinic did not! (heavy sarcasm)
One of the gentlemen had me sit on a stool in his tent and placed his gadget of supposed Migraine miracles upon my head. Almost immediately I became nauseous. He assured me that there was nothing to worry about and that nausea was sometimes a part of the healing process. Within three minutes, my Migraine escalated from about a level 3 to a level 7, and I was becoming dizzy as I frequently do from Migraines.
I told him that I needed to stop. To this, he asked me how long I had been having Migraines. When I told him that it was since early childhood, he breathed an "aha" - telling me that with my lengthy experience with Migraines that it would probably take ten minutes to get rid of it instead of five! All I wanted by this time was out! I had him remove his miracle cure and walked drunkenly away from his booth wondering how I had once again fallen for yet another charlatan who was trying to make money off the desire of people to become well. As I walked away, he followed me, telling me that I had not given it enough of a chance and that if I only purchased it and used it at home, I would become a new woman in regards to my Migraines!
Thank God, I was not stupid enough to buy the baloney that he was selling! However, if you were to look around my home (or have been to any of my numerous garage sales), you will see hundreds of gadgets and potions which have been purchased in the vain attempt to become pain free. I have to also confess to visiting almost every doctor, chiropractor, massage therapist, physical therapist and alternative medicine practitioner who anyone has told me has helped a friend of a friend of a friend with Migraines! And although I have stopped this madness for the most part, I have to confess that when my Migraines are at their worse and I am up in the middle of the night suffering, I still have a tendency to search the Internet for that one thing that I (and all the doctors I've been to) might have missed! Oy Vey!
My hometown has an Italian festival every year replete with Italian food, vendors, music and bocce ball. For a number of years, a group of us would go together to enjoy being outside and peruse the many activities.
As we strolled through the vendors, we came upon a couple of men who had a large sign which proclaimed that they could get rid of a Migraine in five minutes. They purportedly did so by placing an odd looking electronic helmet on the head of the individual with the Migraine and then ran some kind of vibration through it. Of course, everyone who was with me wanted me to try this great new invention. I had just returned from Mayo Clinic where I had spent seven weeks trying to find relief from my Migraines, so I decided what the heck. Maybe these two hawkers at an Italian Festival had an answer that the numerous doctors at Mayo Clinic did not! (heavy sarcasm)
One of the gentlemen had me sit on a stool in his tent and placed his gadget of supposed Migraine miracles upon my head. Almost immediately I became nauseous. He assured me that there was nothing to worry about and that nausea was sometimes a part of the healing process. Within three minutes, my Migraine escalated from about a level 3 to a level 7, and I was becoming dizzy as I frequently do from Migraines.
I told him that I needed to stop. To this, he asked me how long I had been having Migraines. When I told him that it was since early childhood, he breathed an "aha" - telling me that with my lengthy experience with Migraines that it would probably take ten minutes to get rid of it instead of five! All I wanted by this time was out! I had him remove his miracle cure and walked drunkenly away from his booth wondering how I had once again fallen for yet another charlatan who was trying to make money off the desire of people to become well. As I walked away, he followed me, telling me that I had not given it enough of a chance and that if I only purchased it and used it at home, I would become a new woman in regards to my Migraines!
Thank God, I was not stupid enough to buy the baloney that he was selling! However, if you were to look around my home (or have been to any of my numerous garage sales), you will see hundreds of gadgets and potions which have been purchased in the vain attempt to become pain free. I have to also confess to visiting almost every doctor, chiropractor, massage therapist, physical therapist and alternative medicine practitioner who anyone has told me has helped a friend of a friend of a friend with Migraines! And although I have stopped this madness for the most part, I have to confess that when my Migraines are at their worse and I am up in the middle of the night suffering, I still have a tendency to search the Internet for that one thing that I (and all the doctors I've been to) might have missed! Oy Vey!
Friday, June 22, 2012
National Migraine Awareness Month #22: The Game Changer
Day 22 of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge: "The Game Changer - Tell us about a time your plans changed due either to an unexpected Migraine or an unexpected Migraine-free experience."
White Water Rafting in Costa Rica
(That's me on the far right.)
For a person who was always very timid as a child, I became something of an adrenaline junkie as an adult. I love roller coasters, zip lining and white water rafting. For years, my goal was to spend a week white water rafting and camping along the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. I read books about it and researched it. I planned everything I would do while on that trip - take a helicopter ride down to the launch point; scream with excitement as I rode the waves; sit by the camp fire at night while served gourmet meals; lie in my sleeping bag looking up at the stars; marvel at the magnificence of the Grand Canyon!
As my fiftieth birthday drew near, my sweet father decided that he would treat me and a friend to a white water rafting trip in the Grand Canyon. On my birthday, he gave me a Fodor's guide to the Grand Canyon so I could plan my trip. I cannot think of a time when I was more excited about doing anything. However, it was during this time that my Migraines were becoming more frequent and more severe.
Instead, my birthday gift became a trip to Mayo Clinic, Dallas, TX and Philadelphia, PA to try to find an answer for my Migraines. While I am so grateful to have had the financial support of my father to try to get treatment for my Migraines, my eyes still catch sight of that Fodor guide to the Grand Canyon on my book shelf, and I think of how different things could have been. Instead of building memories about medications, side effects, hospitals and doctors, I could have built memories of laughter, adrenalin, fun with my friend and awe-inspiring beauty that would have been with me for a life time.
Yes, Migraines have caused many changes in my game plans over the last five years. They have changed what I wanted to do with my career, what I wanted to do with my family, and what I wanted to do with my friends. However, even more so, Migraines have been a life changer. It's just not realistic for me to make plans any more. It seems that I am always having to cancel anything that I plan because I never know where I will be on the spectrum of pain from day to day.
While I regret missing the "grand" things such as white water rafting or taking my niece and nephew to swim with dolphins, I think it is the little day to day things that I miss the most. There have been so many birthdays and special occasions, activities that my niece and nephew participated in and outings with friends or family that I have had to miss. Unless you've been there, it's very difficult to describe what it's like to be at home with a Migraine when the people you love are busy engaging in activities of which you want to be a part. Things that I've missed that I can't get back include my niece's plays or my nephew's soccer games, being there for my dad when he was sick, going to a concert with my friends, sitting outside by the pool and cooking out with my family.
Being able to participate in grand adventures is great, but it is truly the everyday adventures that I wish I could be a part of the most. However, I'm keeping my eyes on that Fodor book because I'm just going to keep believing that my Migraines will one day be under control, and I can once again jump into the every day adventures and the grand adventures with all the gusto one can muster!
Grand Canyon, here I come - I don't know when, but I'm coming!
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
National Migraine Awareness Month #21: Living With Anticipatory Fear
For the 21st prompt of the National Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge, we are asked to identify our biggest Migraine related fear and how we cope with it.
There are a number of fears that come along with having chronic, intractable Migraines.
If I were to be at my most honest and most transparent with you, I have to admit that the question that plagues me the most is "If nothing changes, what will my life be like ten years from now?" It is so easy to get caught up in anticipatory fear - imagining the worse. There are times when I look forward and all I see is an old, lonely, financially unstable woman worn out by the struggle of just making it day to day besieged by pain and anxiety.
Yet, the one thing that I have learned the most from my journey with chronic Migraines is that anticipatory fear or living with life's "what-ifs" is a futile and self-defeating behavior. As one who has a lot of time to think, I find that thinking about my health and my future is one of the most unproductive things I can do. It is when I focus on these things that my mind goes in a million different directions, and I drive myself crazy by thinking of all the things that could go wrong or that I miss or regret.
While I have always had a propensity for engaging in anticipatory fear, it has been magnified and put under a microscope over the last five years. Many of the things I have always dreaded are now my daily reality. Oddly enough, I am deeply grateful for this because what I have seen when I really look at my tendency to worry about the future and borrow trouble from tomorrow is that I rob today of any joy and peace that it could possibly have by doing so. AND, on top of that, fear and worry have absolutely no ability to change anything!!
It has caused me to ask significant, life changing questions of myself.
In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to make those choices; however, I cannot change the fact I currently have chronic, intractable Migraines and that those questions are no longer rhetorical. I have a choice, and it is not an easy one. It is a choice that I have to make again and again, moment by moment. I can allow Migraines to rob my life of all current and future hope, peace and joy, or I can strive with all of my might to live in the present, focusing on that which is positive rather than on that which produces fear and anxiety. Where do I want to put my efforts - in worry or in trying to overcome worry?
My current aspiration is to make Philippians 4:8 the sieve through which I view everything that happens to me. I constantly remind myself - "Finally, Cyndi, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
I am not a Pollyanna. I am by nature - a worrier. I have always looked at the glass half empty rather than half full. However, my life with chronic pain has convinced me that if I focus on fear and pain, there is absolutely no hope for the future. So with gritted teeth and determined mind, I thank God for what He is allowing me to experience, for out of it I am finally learning to not let fear control my life. At this time, when it makes more sense than ever before to be living with anticipatory fear, I am finally learning to live in the moment and to do so with a heart full of hope.
I do not know what my future holds. I could extrapolate and project what it might hold based upon what I experience today. However, if I even believe a minute portion of the promises that I find in Scripture; if I have even a glimmer of a belief that God is in control, I will continue to hold tightly to the truth that God has a future and a hope for me (Jeremiah 29:11). And most importantly, I will continue to believe that this future and hope are possible in any situation - even chronic pain. So I will constantly remind myself to hang my belief system regarding my life on what is written in Scripture rather than on my faulty, worry-ladened, doom-ridden natural inclinations.
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
There are a number of fears that come along with having chronic, intractable Migraines.
- Will I have enough money to pay my bills?
- What does my financial future hold?
- Will they ever come up with an effective treatment for my Migraines and pain?
- Will I ever get back to the career I love?
- Will my life ever be normal again?
If I were to be at my most honest and most transparent with you, I have to admit that the question that plagues me the most is "If nothing changes, what will my life be like ten years from now?" It is so easy to get caught up in anticipatory fear - imagining the worse. There are times when I look forward and all I see is an old, lonely, financially unstable woman worn out by the struggle of just making it day to day besieged by pain and anxiety.
Yet, the one thing that I have learned the most from my journey with chronic Migraines is that anticipatory fear or living with life's "what-ifs" is a futile and self-defeating behavior. As one who has a lot of time to think, I find that thinking about my health and my future is one of the most unproductive things I can do. It is when I focus on these things that my mind goes in a million different directions, and I drive myself crazy by thinking of all the things that could go wrong or that I miss or regret.
While I have always had a propensity for engaging in anticipatory fear, it has been magnified and put under a microscope over the last five years. Many of the things I have always dreaded are now my daily reality. Oddly enough, I am deeply grateful for this because what I have seen when I really look at my tendency to worry about the future and borrow trouble from tomorrow is that I rob today of any joy and peace that it could possibly have by doing so. AND, on top of that, fear and worry have absolutely no ability to change anything!!
It has caused me to ask significant, life changing questions of myself.
- Would I exchange a life of joy and peace for a pain free life?
- Would I exchange financial security for reliance upon my Lord and Savior?
- Would I give up finding my identity in the uncompromising love of God in order to find it in my career?
- Whose image of me do I hold of greatest esteem - that of family, friends and colleagues or that of my Heavenly Father?
In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to make those choices; however, I cannot change the fact I currently have chronic, intractable Migraines and that those questions are no longer rhetorical. I have a choice, and it is not an easy one. It is a choice that I have to make again and again, moment by moment. I can allow Migraines to rob my life of all current and future hope, peace and joy, or I can strive with all of my might to live in the present, focusing on that which is positive rather than on that which produces fear and anxiety. Where do I want to put my efforts - in worry or in trying to overcome worry?
My current aspiration is to make Philippians 4:8 the sieve through which I view everything that happens to me. I constantly remind myself - "Finally, Cyndi, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
I am not a Pollyanna. I am by nature - a worrier. I have always looked at the glass half empty rather than half full. However, my life with chronic pain has convinced me that if I focus on fear and pain, there is absolutely no hope for the future. So with gritted teeth and determined mind, I thank God for what He is allowing me to experience, for out of it I am finally learning to not let fear control my life. At this time, when it makes more sense than ever before to be living with anticipatory fear, I am finally learning to live in the moment and to do so with a heart full of hope.
I do not know what my future holds. I could extrapolate and project what it might hold based upon what I experience today. However, if I even believe a minute portion of the promises that I find in Scripture; if I have even a glimmer of a belief that God is in control, I will continue to hold tightly to the truth that God has a future and a hope for me (Jeremiah 29:11). And most importantly, I will continue to believe that this future and hope are possible in any situation - even chronic pain. So I will constantly remind myself to hang my belief system regarding my life on what is written in Scripture rather than on my faulty, worry-ladened, doom-ridden natural inclinations.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Migraine Awareness Month #11: Say What?!
The prompt for today's Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge is "Say What?! What's the most ridiculous thing ever said to you about Migraines, who said it, and under what circumstances."
There are always going to be times in life when someone says something you just can't believe. My all time favorite (in retrospect) is directly related to my life with Migraines.
Approximately twelve years ago, I was working as an associate professor and division director at a major university. At that time, my Migraines had not become chronic but were still a very real and present part of my life. As a result, our office had a long held policy of being scent-free since scents of most kinds are major Migraine triggers for me. My staff was incredibly supportive in following this policy, and the janitorial staff went to great lengths to use non-offending products as well. Little did I realize how blessed I was until Ms. X came to work for me.
During the general orientation, I told her of our policy and gave her a written copy of it as well. I thought little of this, since it had not been a problem for anyone up to this time. However, over the ensuing weeks, it became apparent that Ms. X not only used perfume but really liked it - a lot! As her supervisor, I sat down and began the difficult task of trying to explain that although I might like a scent it could still trigger a Migraine and that this was a medical necessity. It had nothing to do with her or her choice in perfume. It had to do with my overly sensitive nervous system. I went on to explain all that a Migraine entails for me and how it caused any work for the day to come to an end. She stared at me impassively as I spoke to her. We concluded with my asking her to please stop wearing her perfume while at work to which she replied "I'll think about it."
Say what?! (She was a new employee, under my supervision and had been faced with a medical concern. Ironically, one of the specific functions of our division was to provide accommodations for students with disabilities. This was surely not something that should cause a great deal of introspection.)
The next week came and went with no change in her "perfume habits." After re-addressing the issue with her and getting nowhere, I asked my neurologist to send a letter to the University stating my need to have a scent free environment due to health reasons. I once again sat down with Ms. X and showed her the letter. Our meeting ended amiably enough, and I thought all had been taken care of.
However, the next day the scent of perfume continued to waft through the office. That same day I also received a phone call from the Vice Chancellor for Equity and Diversity to let me know that a complaint had been lodged against me by none other than Ms. X. I was told that she had lodged formal complaint on the basis of discrimination. I was totally baffled and went to the meeting to find out that she believed my "dislike" of her perfume had to do with the brand she used and that I was using it as a means to discriminate against her.
Here I was, an individual with a legitimate disability covered by the ADA asking for an accommodation, being told that I was the one who was discriminating. I didn't think it was possible to be any more shocked than I was at that moment. I provided my letter to the Vice Chancellor, and he let Ms. X know that she needed to cease wearing the perfume.
By this time, things were quite uncomfortable in the office due to this situation, and I was just relieved that the whole thing was settled. (Or so I thought.) Beginning the very next day, she was once again wearing the perfume. I tried to convince myself that it was an olfactory hallucination and to just ignore it. However, after throwing up at work several days in a row and having to leave due to excruciating pain, I finally asked one of my other employees if she could also smell the perfume. She replied in the affirmative.
Great - now I had dealt with this employee one-on-one, gotten documentation from my doctor, gone through a diversity hearing, and thought everything was settled. I agonized over how to handle this without it becoming an even more contentious topic. I asked Ms. X to come to my office and asked her if she was still wearing the perfume to which she replied in the negative. Now what was I suppose to do? I didn't want to call her an outright liar, so I let things go on as they were for another couple of weeks as my Migraines became more frequent and more severe.
Finally my work was so compromised that I had no alternative but to have yet another conversation with Ms. X. I told her that it was obvious that she was still wearing the perfume and that it HAD to stop. She looked me, cool as a cucumber, told me that I was not the only one with a "disability" (emphasis on sarcasm) and that she had a "personal odor" condition which necessitated her wearing her perfume. As I stared at her dumbfounded, she proceeded to point to her lap and tell me that I could smell her there if I didn't believe it.
Say What?! Had an employee really just told me to smell her privates!? Yes, indeed, she had!
Things were later resolved with this employee through her resignation due to the "adverse" working environment, and I was fully backed and supported by the University. However, to this day, I cannot believe anyone went to such efforts to wear perfume knowing that it caused another person to become ill.
The bottom line is just when you think you've heard it all, you probably haven't!
Say What?!
Approximately twelve years ago, I was working as an associate professor and division director at a major university. At that time, my Migraines had not become chronic but were still a very real and present part of my life. As a result, our office had a long held policy of being scent-free since scents of most kinds are major Migraine triggers for me. My staff was incredibly supportive in following this policy, and the janitorial staff went to great lengths to use non-offending products as well. Little did I realize how blessed I was until Ms. X came to work for me.
During the general orientation, I told her of our policy and gave her a written copy of it as well. I thought little of this, since it had not been a problem for anyone up to this time. However, over the ensuing weeks, it became apparent that Ms. X not only used perfume but really liked it - a lot! As her supervisor, I sat down and began the difficult task of trying to explain that although I might like a scent it could still trigger a Migraine and that this was a medical necessity. It had nothing to do with her or her choice in perfume. It had to do with my overly sensitive nervous system. I went on to explain all that a Migraine entails for me and how it caused any work for the day to come to an end. She stared at me impassively as I spoke to her. We concluded with my asking her to please stop wearing her perfume while at work to which she replied "I'll think about it."
Say what?! (She was a new employee, under my supervision and had been faced with a medical concern. Ironically, one of the specific functions of our division was to provide accommodations for students with disabilities. This was surely not something that should cause a great deal of introspection.)
The next week came and went with no change in her "perfume habits." After re-addressing the issue with her and getting nowhere, I asked my neurologist to send a letter to the University stating my need to have a scent free environment due to health reasons. I once again sat down with Ms. X and showed her the letter. Our meeting ended amiably enough, and I thought all had been taken care of.
However, the next day the scent of perfume continued to waft through the office. That same day I also received a phone call from the Vice Chancellor for Equity and Diversity to let me know that a complaint had been lodged against me by none other than Ms. X. I was told that she had lodged formal complaint on the basis of discrimination. I was totally baffled and went to the meeting to find out that she believed my "dislike" of her perfume had to do with the brand she used and that I was using it as a means to discriminate against her.
Here I was, an individual with a legitimate disability covered by the ADA asking for an accommodation, being told that I was the one who was discriminating. I didn't think it was possible to be any more shocked than I was at that moment. I provided my letter to the Vice Chancellor, and he let Ms. X know that she needed to cease wearing the perfume.
By this time, things were quite uncomfortable in the office due to this situation, and I was just relieved that the whole thing was settled. (Or so I thought.) Beginning the very next day, she was once again wearing the perfume. I tried to convince myself that it was an olfactory hallucination and to just ignore it. However, after throwing up at work several days in a row and having to leave due to excruciating pain, I finally asked one of my other employees if she could also smell the perfume. She replied in the affirmative.
Great - now I had dealt with this employee one-on-one, gotten documentation from my doctor, gone through a diversity hearing, and thought everything was settled. I agonized over how to handle this without it becoming an even more contentious topic. I asked Ms. X to come to my office and asked her if she was still wearing the perfume to which she replied in the negative. Now what was I suppose to do? I didn't want to call her an outright liar, so I let things go on as they were for another couple of weeks as my Migraines became more frequent and more severe.
Finally my work was so compromised that I had no alternative but to have yet another conversation with Ms. X. I told her that it was obvious that she was still wearing the perfume and that it HAD to stop. She looked me, cool as a cucumber, told me that I was not the only one with a "disability" (emphasis on sarcasm) and that she had a "personal odor" condition which necessitated her wearing her perfume. As I stared at her dumbfounded, she proceeded to point to her lap and tell me that I could smell her there if I didn't believe it.
Say What?! Had an employee really just told me to smell her privates!? Yes, indeed, she had!
Things were later resolved with this employee through her resignation due to the "adverse" working environment, and I was fully backed and supported by the University. However, to this day, I cannot believe anyone went to such efforts to wear perfume knowing that it caused another person to become ill.
The bottom line is just when you think you've heard it all, you probably haven't!
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Migraine Awareness Month Challenge #9 - A Day Full of Laughter
Today is #9 in the Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge. The topic for today is "Day Dream Believer. Describe your dream day - without a Migraine to hold you back."
Just the prospect of this makes me like a little girl at Christmas time, full of anticipation and excitement. What day should I plan - a gloriously "normal" day, a day at the beach, a day white water rafting, a day at Disneyworld, a trip to New England for continuing education with my mentors and a jaunt into New York to see a play, a trip to Italy or Africa, the opportunity to go and visit my grandmother in San Antonio? So many enticing possibilities. However, I think if I must choose just one, it will be the opportunity to stuff every bit of fun and laugher I possibly could into one perfectly "normal" day.
I'd awake, get dressed and go throughout the house opening wide all of my curtains - letting the sunshine spill in with no fear of pain. I'd put on my favorite playlist and let music swell throughout my home.
I'd then get ready for work and go and see the amazing families and children with whom I have the privilege of working as a play therapist. Marlie, my therapy dog, and I would jump in the car, riding with the windows down, and hurry to get the play room ready for the special kids who would come. We'd spend the day playing in the sandbox, creating crafts, playing in the playhouse, creating puppet shows, laughing loudly, and listening intently. Noise would be of no concern, and the playroom would ring with the therapeutic sounds of children playing out their fears, their desires, their needs, and their joys.
During lunch, I would walk Marlie around the block and then sit down with my dad, sister and brother for lunch. I'd order a Diet Coke - the nectar of the gods -without having to worry about the aspartame. We'd laugh and reminisce as we like to do about all the funny Jordan antics through the years, remembering mom as if she were still with us. We'd revel in being together the same unit as we use to be years ago, only older now!
Yet because it is my dream day, there would also be time to visit and laugh with my niece and nephew and just enjoy the overwhelming joy I get from being with them and loving them! There would also have to be time to spend with my sister-in-law, maybe at Starbucks which is one of her favorite places, just because she has become one of my dearest friends, and we'd talk about the kids and my brother and other things we held dear.
After work, I'd meet up with friends for dinner - preferably sitting outside to enjoy the sunshine and the weather. As use to be, I'd have to stifle the loudness of my laughter as I relished in the fun and friendship that abounded. There would be stories of past escapades and ones to come. Each of us would leave with our jaws and stomachs aching from the laughter having lost any mascara that we might have had on.
Because it is my dream day, we would then go to a Kathy Troccoli or Chris Tomlin concert and sit down front where we could see and hear everthing without any need to worry about the lights or the sounds. We'd stand and sing along, praising God for His wonderful goodness. We'd laugh over my inevitable tears of joy and feel the bonds of our friendships growing even stronger.
Because in a dream day, we would have unlimited energy, we would head back to my clean and organized home and get out the coke and M&M's for a rousing game of cards complete with James Taylor and Carole King singing loudly in the background. We'd play and laugh until one of our friends (you know who you are) fell asleep on the couch and then we'd keep begging her to play just one more round. We'd end up in giggles that we could not stop because we were so tired but having so much fun.
Because it would then be in the wee hours of the morning, I'd beg the one who fell asleep to spend the night rather than driving home so tired, and we'd sit in the dark and talk about the day, get into one of our silly deep discussions about nothing important, read a devotional together and then sit until she once again fell asleep on the couch.
I'd then gather up my puppies and head for my bed where I would pull out a favorite mystery book and read until I could barely keep my eyes open. I would sink into sleep full of joy and praise and excitement for the blessings of such a wonderfully normal day. And as I did so, I would pray that there could be many, many more gloriously normal days full of so many of the things I use to take for granted.
"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person." Audrey Hepburn
"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can withstand." Mark Twain
"There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor." Charles Dickens
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for us'!" Psalm 126:2
Just the prospect of this makes me like a little girl at Christmas time, full of anticipation and excitement. What day should I plan - a gloriously "normal" day, a day at the beach, a day white water rafting, a day at Disneyworld, a trip to New England for continuing education with my mentors and a jaunt into New York to see a play, a trip to Italy or Africa, the opportunity to go and visit my grandmother in San Antonio? So many enticing possibilities. However, I think if I must choose just one, it will be the opportunity to stuff every bit of fun and laugher I possibly could into one perfectly "normal" day.
I'd awake, get dressed and go throughout the house opening wide all of my curtains - letting the sunshine spill in with no fear of pain. I'd put on my favorite playlist and let music swell throughout my home.
I'd then get ready for work and go and see the amazing families and children with whom I have the privilege of working as a play therapist. Marlie, my therapy dog, and I would jump in the car, riding with the windows down, and hurry to get the play room ready for the special kids who would come. We'd spend the day playing in the sandbox, creating crafts, playing in the playhouse, creating puppet shows, laughing loudly, and listening intently. Noise would be of no concern, and the playroom would ring with the therapeutic sounds of children playing out their fears, their desires, their needs, and their joys.
During lunch, I would walk Marlie around the block and then sit down with my dad, sister and brother for lunch. I'd order a Diet Coke - the nectar of the gods -without having to worry about the aspartame. We'd laugh and reminisce as we like to do about all the funny Jordan antics through the years, remembering mom as if she were still with us. We'd revel in being together the same unit as we use to be years ago, only older now!
Yet because it is my dream day, there would also be time to visit and laugh with my niece and nephew and just enjoy the overwhelming joy I get from being with them and loving them! There would also have to be time to spend with my sister-in-law, maybe at Starbucks which is one of her favorite places, just because she has become one of my dearest friends, and we'd talk about the kids and my brother and other things we held dear.
After work, I'd meet up with friends for dinner - preferably sitting outside to enjoy the sunshine and the weather. As use to be, I'd have to stifle the loudness of my laughter as I relished in the fun and friendship that abounded. There would be stories of past escapades and ones to come. Each of us would leave with our jaws and stomachs aching from the laughter having lost any mascara that we might have had on.
Because it is my dream day, we would then go to a Kathy Troccoli or Chris Tomlin concert and sit down front where we could see and hear everthing without any need to worry about the lights or the sounds. We'd stand and sing along, praising God for His wonderful goodness. We'd laugh over my inevitable tears of joy and feel the bonds of our friendships growing even stronger.
Because in a dream day, we would have unlimited energy, we would head back to my clean and organized home and get out the coke and M&M's for a rousing game of cards complete with James Taylor and Carole King singing loudly in the background. We'd play and laugh until one of our friends (you know who you are) fell asleep on the couch and then we'd keep begging her to play just one more round. We'd end up in giggles that we could not stop because we were so tired but having so much fun.
Because it would then be in the wee hours of the morning, I'd beg the one who fell asleep to spend the night rather than driving home so tired, and we'd sit in the dark and talk about the day, get into one of our silly deep discussions about nothing important, read a devotional together and then sit until she once again fell asleep on the couch.
I'd then gather up my puppies and head for my bed where I would pull out a favorite mystery book and read until I could barely keep my eyes open. I would sink into sleep full of joy and praise and excitement for the blessings of such a wonderfully normal day. And as I did so, I would pray that there could be many, many more gloriously normal days full of so many of the things I use to take for granted.
"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person." Audrey Hepburn
"Against the assault of laughter, nothing can withstand." Mark Twain
"There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor." Charles Dickens
"Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for us'!" Psalm 126:2
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Migraine Awareness Month #5: Do That to Me One More Time
Unfortunately I am a day late with Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge #5 - What comfort measure do you find helps you enough during a migraine that you go back to it again and again, and how do you use it?
For the last week I have been besieged with one of the worst migraines I have had in quite a while (and that's saying something when you have 24/7 migraines that generally hover around a five on the pain scale). I have tried so hard to keep up with the blogging challenges in spite of this and find it quite ironic that the one I missed due to pain was the one on comfort measures.
So here goes, as they say "a day late and a dollar shy (or in my case a brain cell shy!):
For the last week I have been besieged with one of the worst migraines I have had in quite a while (and that's saying something when you have 24/7 migraines that generally hover around a five on the pain scale). I have tried so hard to keep up with the blogging challenges in spite of this and find it quite ironic that the one I missed due to pain was the one on comfort measures.
So here goes, as they say "a day late and a dollar shy (or in my case a brain cell shy!):
Yes, I have 37 ice packs and heating wraps, not to count the ever present box of Migraine BeKool Pads! When I am suffering a bad migraine, I tend to look like some kind of mummy who has literally wrapped my head and neck in all sorts of therapeutic wraps!
In addition to the use of ice for my head and heat for my neck and shoulders, my primary comfort measures are:
- Texting friends to ask them to pray for me
- Going to Prayers for Migraineurs Facebook page (We'd love to have you join us, but you'll have to request to join since we are a closed group. Click here)
- Cuddling up with Marlie and Milo, my precious fur babies
- Wrapping up in my favorite quilt (with the air conditioner on high)
- Listening to quiet and inspiring songs which help me to focus on the hope I have in the Lord
- Drinking a coke (true confession!)
- ZOFRAN!
Oh, and did I mention ice packs??
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Name That Tune!
Today is Day #6 for the Migraine Awareness Month Blogging Challenge, and the prompt is "Name that Tune! Choose a theme song for Migraine disease or your headache disorder."
Music is one of my favorite ways to handle the emotional and spiritual struggles associated with my battle with migraines. I have two playlists on my iPod devoted to just that. One list consists of quiet, peaceful songs that I can listen to when my head is pounding, and I need a relaxing distraction. The second list consists of some of my favorite up-beat and encouraging songs.
All of the songs on my playlist focus on trusting God when things are difficult and finding joy and peace in trials. These songs help me to remember that there is indeed hope and call to mind Isaiah 26:
Music is one of my favorite ways to handle the emotional and spiritual struggles associated with my battle with migraines. I have two playlists on my iPod devoted to just that. One list consists of quiet, peaceful songs that I can listen to when my head is pounding, and I need a relaxing distraction. The second list consists of some of my favorite up-beat and encouraging songs.
All of the songs on my playlist focus on trusting God when things are difficult and finding joy and peace in trials. These songs help me to remember that there is indeed hope and call to mind Isaiah 26:
"You keep in perfect peace those
whose mind is stayed on you."
Keeping my mind focused on the Lord and His peace is far from easy when I am being besieged by a fierce migraine. It is times like that when I turn to music to help refocus the direction of my thoughts. The last few days have been unbelievably difficult, and I have played the words of these three songs over and over again in my mind to help keep me going. These songs are "It is Well," "Hold Me Jesus" and "Blessings." If I had pick only one song as the one I turn to the most because it sustains me and is the anthem for my life, it would "It is Well."
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Fun in the Summer??
Today's prompt for Migraine Awareness Month is "June is Bustin' Out All Over!" What's the best tip you can offer others for having some summer fun despite Migraines?
I have to admit that today's prompt is the most difficult of all the prompts for me in this blogging challenge. I am a person who loves to have fun - laugh loud and long, play joyously, plan fun escapades, and spend all my time with friends and family! I think that this is how most people who knew me before my migraines became daily would describe me.
However, those who have met me since I became chronic would probably never know those things about me. When they visit, they come to a dark and subdued home where I am trying to protect myself from increased pain. I am no longer the one who hosts all the parties and plans the get-togethers. Dreaming about white water rafting and roller coasters is no longer practical.
So, I have to admit that this prompt caused me a little bit of sadness when I reflected on the way summers use to be. However, in spite of this, it remains my belief that I can choose to focus on the "cannots" or I can focus on the possibilities, the potential, and the hope.
I wish I had some magical tips to provide for my fellow migraineurs. I think many of us know that it's important to keep hydrated, eat in a healthy manner, practice good sleep hygiene, to wear good quality sunglasses, and to avoid getting over heated. Quite honestly, although these are essential, they just aren't enough to allow me to have the fun I'd like to have during the summer. These are "comfort measures" I have to practice all year just to get by.
So the question becomes what provides me with the comfort to enjoy my summer - my life? The bottom line is that for the last couple of months, I have decided that I'd rather enjoy my life to the fullest degree possible even if this means suffering consequences for doing so. The average person doesn't even have to think twice about doing this. However, for me, it is much more complicated. The steps I undertake to do this without undue stress are
1. being sure I am rested before going
2. saving my rescue meds for these occasions
3. engaging in self-monitoring and self-regulation while having fun and knowing when it is time to take a break
4. having an exit plan and a ride for when I need to leave
5. being honest with people about my need for flexibility
6. making sure that I have plenty of "recovery" time after the activity
7. choosing not to live in fear or anxiety about migraines which causes me to be hyper-vigilant and unable to enjoy the activity
6. choosing reasonable activities which do not include too many of my worse triggers
It's not a perfect scenario. However as I said in an earlier blog, I am convinced that I will look back on my life and remember these moments of joy more clearly than I recall the resulting pain. (http://graceforthestorm.blogspot.com/2012/05/high-cost-of-normalcy.html)
Here's to a fun and happy Summer!
**After reading a lot of blogs over the last couple of days, I have decided to start doing mine in large print as I have found it very hard on my eyes to use the small print. Let me know what you think!
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
However, those who have met me since I became chronic would probably never know those things about me. When they visit, they come to a dark and subdued home where I am trying to protect myself from increased pain. I am no longer the one who hosts all the parties and plans the get-togethers. Dreaming about white water rafting and roller coasters is no longer practical.
So, I have to admit that this prompt caused me a little bit of sadness when I reflected on the way summers use to be. However, in spite of this, it remains my belief that I can choose to focus on the "cannots" or I can focus on the possibilities, the potential, and the hope.
I wish I had some magical tips to provide for my fellow migraineurs. I think many of us know that it's important to keep hydrated, eat in a healthy manner, practice good sleep hygiene, to wear good quality sunglasses, and to avoid getting over heated. Quite honestly, although these are essential, they just aren't enough to allow me to have the fun I'd like to have during the summer. These are "comfort measures" I have to practice all year just to get by.
So the question becomes what provides me with the comfort to enjoy my summer - my life? The bottom line is that for the last couple of months, I have decided that I'd rather enjoy my life to the fullest degree possible even if this means suffering consequences for doing so. The average person doesn't even have to think twice about doing this. However, for me, it is much more complicated. The steps I undertake to do this without undue stress are
1. being sure I am rested before going
2. saving my rescue meds for these occasions
3. engaging in self-monitoring and self-regulation while having fun and knowing when it is time to take a break
4. having an exit plan and a ride for when I need to leave
5. being honest with people about my need for flexibility
6. making sure that I have plenty of "recovery" time after the activity
7. choosing not to live in fear or anxiety about migraines which causes me to be hyper-vigilant and unable to enjoy the activity
6. choosing reasonable activities which do not include too many of my worse triggers
It's not a perfect scenario. However as I said in an earlier blog, I am convinced that I will look back on my life and remember these moments of joy more clearly than I recall the resulting pain. (http://graceforthestorm.blogspot.com/2012/05/high-cost-of-normalcy.html)
Here's to a fun and happy Summer!
**After reading a lot of blogs over the last couple of days, I have decided to start doing mine in large print as I have found it very hard on my eyes to use the small print. Let me know what you think!
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Just Shoot Me Now!
Today's prompt for Migraine Awareness Month is Just Shoot Me Now! What's your worst Migraine trigger? Can you avoid it? How do you handle it?
What's my worst trigger? Eeny Meenie Miney Moe! If you are a migraineur, you already understand my dilemma! So many triggers, so few solutions!
All three of these - scents, lights and weather changes are a guaranteed invitation to a humdinger of a Migraine. Lights I can handle by getting away or wearing sunglasses. Weather changes are inevitable, and I can just stay at home to suffer in peace.
Scents, however, are a totally different story! I know I appear to be a manic phobic when it comes to scents! God bless the perfume lady who dares to come near me to even offer me a whiff as I stare at her horrified and run from her as a frightened animal might. While most people don't have to think twice about going out in public, every setting has potential scent triggers. How do you explain to people that you need them to be scent free when they are with you or that you can't stay in a home or store with them without it appearing to be a personal affront? Scents that literally strike terror in my head are
I know it is hard for most people to understand, but these scents, among others, cause nausea and an instant stabbing sensation in my left eye. At that point, I know I am headed for one of my most intense migraines and that there is no turning back. The amount of time to which I am exposed to it does not matter. The bottom line is
Scents = Migraine
and until a better treatment protocol is developed for me,
there's nothing I can do about it!
and until a better treatment protocol is developed for me,
there's nothing I can do about it!
National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)